Genuinely GG
Genuinely GG

Episode · 1 year ago

Three Dads & A Baby With Dr. Ian Jenkins

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this week's episode, GG and Anita sit down with Dr. Ian Jenkins and discuss all of the in's and out's of growing up a doner as well as being the parent of one. From Straw Hut Media Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

STRAWT media. You know her from Shaws of sunset. You know she doesn't hold back. Everything is going to end up being the parent's faults, whether you like it or not. It's you that did this, Tayr had like. It's your fault, Dad. It's you with it, did this. Have you guys spoken about that moment? This is genuinely gg hey, guys, thank you for joining another amazing episode of genuinely gg or. Actually, I promise you it's going to be amazing. I promise, promise, promise. I am obviously here with my girl, girl, Anita. What's up? Nothing much. How are you? I I'm better than you seem. You seem a little bit stressed, always stressed. Don't say that. No, you're not, and that's why you're going to turn me into a pothead. I feel I'm so doting. Not, I think I'm slowly making it HAP. Really think that that's going to change my life? Huh? I strongly believe that that cannabis will change your life, because all my heart I think it will change a lot of your stuff. Interesting. Yeah, I think a lot of people like you who are just struck on that anxiety rush. Yeah, when you guys, do calm down. You don't like it, because all I got so used to the anxiety, but it's toxic and it's a future heart attack. But I feel like I get shit done. If I don't have anxiety, then nothing gets done. I get a whole lot fucking done, man, and I'm stoned from morning tonight. I wake up at five am's sometime sooner, and I go to bed around midnight. I have a whole sun, I have a whole four or five fucking companies and a podcast that we're doing. I got time, girl, you got time. You could just do everything a little bit more calmly. You still get it done. I think your issue is just you have a million thoughts at the same exact time and you don't know which one to focus on. Yeah, we will slow it down. We will say focus on this one first. Anita just got down to list. Yeah, sort of going like yeah, for like list, you know, one to ten, to five to four, night, all over the place, all over the place, is going to really help? Okay, yes, we're when you promise I'll try it. Maybe I'll consider it. We're going to do that for a special surprise that we do have Anita and I will be doing a what. Wait, Ryan, what's it called? I was going to say where. We're going to start doing the video. We are they called? So take so videos, they work. Okay, we're going to take the Parke, the podcast to video. Take podcast to video. Okay, so I'll we do this part then. Okay, so we have a surprise for everybody that we're going to let you guys know. Anita and I have been doing so well on genuinely gg that we have decided you guys need to to see our faces and see how goofy we are behind the scenes while we're doing this podcast. So we have decided to take the podcast to video. We're excited and wait, wait, wait, Anita. Yeah, tell everybody what the deal was that if we ever go to video, what's going to happen on the very first episode? I am going to get stoned. That super stoned right, and he owns yeah, don't even know. All joint with me. Oh wait, I didn't know it was a whole joint. Don't do a full joint based just wait, no, are you and I will share a whole joint together. I'll half a joint. Awesome. On the other okay, you and I smoke half of it together. I'll continue smoking while I begin watching my other quote. You. So a quarter of it's me. It's a quarter. It'll be. My joints are super size streaking out right now, OI, don't you super size? That's gonna BE TAMP on size. Okay, you guys are first video podcast and he is going to get super stoned. I have been plotting a few things that I'm going to make her do while she's stoned. She has absolutely no idea. She's going to have to just do it and if she doesn't, we're going to have to come up with some sort of a consequence. Maybe you guys can give me some suggestions for what some consequences should be if she does not partake and what she has to do while I got her stoned. But but is this an educational said that we can prove to people whether I'm right that it's going to make me be smart? You're that's what you're thinking. It's going to get me focused and smart. I think it's going to make me just giggle and be yeah, it will saster and not get anything done and just want to eat the whole time. So No, well, don't worry about all that. Just trust Dr GG. Okay, just took trust, doctor, G doctor, trust, okay, access of fine, it's going to happen. You guys cannot miss our first video podcast. I might just have I be sick that am I calling stick that girl. I will show a batchlor house...

...with the cameras and the microphone. Okay, don't test me. Oh my God, word on the street is word on the street UK. But Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Okay, so this is this is some interesting information. Caitlyn Jenner has officially entered the race for governor of the State of California, and Caitlyn Jenner wants to put our current governor, Gavin newsome, out of office, clearly out of his chair, whatever you call it. And here's the kicker she has. She was asked about Trans Women being playing sports, for with met so if you're born woman but you have tranced into a man, can you still play sports with a man with men? CAITLYN Jenner Says No. I read that. Caitlyn Jenner says it is not fair. If you are born a biological boy, you shouldn't be in girls sports. She says it's an issue of fairness and we need to protect our girls sports. What do you think about that? I I agree in a sense, because I do feel like men are yes, they're born different, they're they have, you know, they're stronger, just it's just they're just generically different. Right, so I could I agree. I think that it's not fair. But then does that mean that that person cannot play any sports, because are there not a lot of play then with right, the men? Right, because now it's a girl. Right, so what? And that's not fair. So then what? Do they create another just a league for them, and then now they're a differently, you know? So right, I did. That's it's a very good yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I don't know what the rules are. If, if you're born biological boy and you are now a woman, can you go play football? You know, Caitlyn Jenner was Bruce Jenner, a World Olympian, gold metal breaker, just just let gold medal breaker, world record breaker, gold medal winner. Yeah, world record breaker her, Gosh, Gosh, I need to about winner breaker. Yeah, that was hard, but solid sized seashells kind of time. Oh my God. So, yeah, Bruce Jenner, you know, is so athletic, larger man, larger build, and is now a woman and still Caitlyn Jenner. She loves sports, she loves to, you know, be active in and different sports as well to so to hear her say that that it's not fair, it's sort of sets a little different tone from me. Yeah, because now this is a trans woman, this is a biological boy that is saying it would not be fair if I were to now go join a woman's league. Obviously he she doesn't. He's she is still the same. She's still the same. Nothing change exactly. Now she has a duted pills, they have to do hormone therapy, they do all that and I think with that begins to do is to lower the test a stone and all that stuff in the muscle mass begins to shrink. The everything starts going down and I think that the dangers in that. There's a lot of repercussions and dangers and doing that also. But yeah, so I don't know if she has the physical strength that she did as Bruce Jenner. I don't know, but obviously she thinks she does and that's why she thinks that it's not fair. For her, example, if she did it clearly, but then if you get that breast and stuff too, so that would hotly got breast she did, because I would totally weigh her down. And she looks like she yeah, I think she did get brothers. I'm excited for she had a plunging nutline and addressed the last time I saw. I mean being a being from, you know, Ohio, and I like to say that a lot because I'm very proud of my roots. You know, we had nothing else to really do there, so sports were, you know, big part of our lives and I was actually one of the fastest. I was the fastest runner. I called me fairy athletic, call me Flash, various and and I wanted to play football, did you. And I went to the coach and they laughed at me and said no, and I'm like, think about it, if I just hand me the ball right and I just run and no guys going to touch me because they're going to be scared. They're great me. Right, so right, it's an advantage, you know. But there it's again. Laughed at me and well, turn yeah, heads and because there's the lawsuits come into play, because there is going to be a guy that is fast enough to catch you, but is at least a hundred fifty, two hundred pounds, you know, heavier than you, and attacks you, because in football it's not like Oh hey, sweetie, when to grab te hand me the ball first, it's I'm taking you fucking down. Yeah, what was that movie? Would Lokis? Oh, Luca Kiss. I'm like low kissed Akad. Guess that would be probably me. Yes, would be me. Maybe that was his name. I'm Sean Aston Chohn Acton Great. No,...

...no, John Something, Seanchan something from Lord of the Rings. He's in Lord of the Rings. Yeah, he was so cute, so cute. No, that wasn't that was Duney. That's from Gooney's. He's the same Lucas with yeah, it weres do we need to put on low gifts right now. Let's after this, let's it's Ye, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, don't look at me like you're crazy. I'm saying is is goony and no, it is, it is. It is, okay, it is, okay, okay, let's get back to this sport. All right, okay, in a similar sounding name, just drop the tea. We have Kalin lowry okay, the team mom two stars, twenty nine years old and has four boys and is now undergoing IVF egg freezing procedure after recently being diagnosed with pcos. For those people who don't know a pcos has, it's polycystic ovary syndrome. One of my best friends also dealt with pcos from the minute she got our period. It is very uncomfortable for women. They go through a lot of intense different medical situations. Either they set period completely goes away, disappears or they bleed so heavily it just feels like their whole lives are bleeding out of them. It's really intense. She says she has no she has no near future plans to have any more children, but she wants to make sure she has some healthy eggs if in the future she does decide on more children. This is a comment from her now. This is interesting because she is freezing the eggs to take that precaution of in the future she meets someone whatever doesn't or decides I want more, she will continue with her her whatever healthy eggs she has at the age of twenty nine. She's then goes on to make this one comment that wrapped me a little bit special. Okay, I'm going to read it to you, guys. I'm not going to say that I'm going to have another child because I truly don't know. That's not on my radar anytime soon. And I always say this and every time I'm trying to get my life on track, I end up pregnant again. This time I might be done. Like this time I might be for real done. I've got four fucking kids, I'm not really down to have a starting five basketball team. I White, I, I. Okay. So I'm like, okay, wow, twenty nine, four kids. She made it, started very young. Who Cares? She's seems like a cool mom. She's got these four kids. She's caring to go do this IVF egg retrieval in case her future self once more children. And then she goes and makes a comment saying I've got four fucking kids, I'm not trying to have a starting basketball team, starting five basketball team. What the flesh? I don't know. So contradicting her? Well, I don't know, because the I come from a very different world where a lot of people are not going to like what I'm about to say, but I have been pregnant multiple times that I chose to eliminate. Okay, I've had multiple portions. It happened from very irresponsible actions of mine, very responsible, immature. I was also on a lot of heavy heart drugs in those days. I didn't care and I suffered the consequences because of it. But it's I knew that I wasn't ready. I knew that I could not give to a child what a child needs to be a healthy, minded, healthy it all forms a human. I didn't have that. You know, I was such a fuck up. What was I thinking to bring children into the world? Let me ask you this, yeah, why aren't you on birth control? Um, I actually one of the Times. I was. One of the Times I was, which. So he had those stow. You guys got to be careful but firm. Maybe I wasn't taken it properly at that time. Maybe I was on such hard drugs and my birth control wasn't working. But I don't know. Okay, you can name it. I don't know. I've been it's just I was very irresponsible, extremely irresponsible, and I will take accountability from my actions on that. But I made the decision to not bring in another human who can become irresponsible because I was so responsible. What would I be able to give as far as morals and values to a child? Yeah, that, hey, I just got pregnant, even though I'm on cocaine all day, every day. Who knows how long I've been pregnant with you what? I'm just going to keep you. Yeah, should I have done that? No, I think no. Right. Yeah, so that is my approach. Now there's other people who have different views. It is wrong to, you know, abort. They consider it equal to murder. They say it's against God's will, all these things. So there's two sides that. We could have a whole podcast about that whole podcast. But what I'm wondering about, Kaylyn Lowry, is you have four children and you're going...

...to go do egg retrieval to freezergs for potentially future children. Do you not think the one day your children are going to come back and see you say something like I have four fucking kids already, like I don't want to have a whole fucking, you know, basketball team? You just sound like you're so miserable for the kids that you have. Why are you doing that to your kids? Why be so selfish? You know what I mean, so I don't know. I respect the egg thing. I was like, wow, that's cool, that's mature. Yeah, because I went through egg retrieval and and and it's a great thing. Maybe, maybe, if she's healthy enough, she'll donate her eggs to a lot of people out there who Maine that could be, you know, donors, because needing donors is a big thing, and I know that firsthand because I I I looked around the whole nation and countries all around for the perfect donor to create my son, which is what I want to talk about today on today's podcast, is sort of, you know, growing up as a donor or being the parent of one, so to speak. We're going to take a quick break, but when we come back, we decided to shoot for that and we ended up becoming the first polyamorous family anywhere that we know of in the world to be the legal parents of a kid on the hearth at wow. Well, thank you for opening the doors for many men people and potentially, if this works out for me, thank you for opening the door for me as well. Ha Ha. I guess today, which is Dr Ian Jenkins, wrote a book three DADS and a baby. He isn't a polyamory. He's in a trouble relationship. You guys, but I am not doing a power always. Probably are right. Promise this is not a poly episode. I just thought super fucking cool guy because he isn't a throb of polyamory relationship and has two children through donor eggs and Sarah gets, and I thought that that was super cool topic to bring to the table today. So, with that being said, let's get right into it. Guys. I am very excited about our guests today. We have Dr Ian Jenkins, which is an internist in San Diego, and Dr Jenkins Eye. Is it okay if I call you that, doctor, Ian Ian Jenkins, but me to refer to fine, please. Are you sure? Yeah, absolutely okay, because I really think it takes a lot to become a doctor and you deserve that title for becoming and so I'm totally okay with calling you Dr Cutie. If you want me to Dr Cutie or IAN would be fine. We're actually have a little bit of a movement in medicine to be on a more first name basis so that everyone feels comfortable talking to us and makes us, the team safer. That's going okay, all right, and that's actually my next question to you was I read that you specialize in caring for hospitalized patients. What exactly does that mean? Yeah, so, I mean if you got sick and you had a heart attack fifty years ago, you would go to hospital and your primary care doctor would meet you there when they were off their clinic duties, and obviously that wasn't the fastest possible care that you could get, you know, and they manage things by phone overnight. The hospital is full of way too sick people who need stuff done right away now. So we have people who are always available in the hospital and that's all we do is take care of hospitalized patients. So we're called hospitalists, and that movement started like one thousand nine hundred and ninety five. I think I'm basically taken over the world because the primary care doctors have realized that it's better for us to just you do you and I'll leave different places. So Anita here deals with a lot of situations regarding hospitals because of her father's, yeah, medical situation. Do you want to just briefly just tell her? Yeah, no, might so. Might. Yeah, my father had a stroke back in two thousand and four and it was pretty massive and and so it's been like in and out of like, you know, different hospitals. But recently he was he was a he fell down and broke his hip and just with so we know. We took him in and he was at the Torsiana hospital and it was just like a nightmare because, number one, my sister being a doctor and M d. She and be vaccinated. They want't let her in. My Dad doesn't my father doesn't speak, and so there's no one there to like rip resent him and it was just hell to get, you know, the whole situation and and finally, like after things kind of calmed down a little bit. You know, they allowed my sister to go in, but but just getting the back care and having the doctors, I mean everyone was so busy. I guess it's nice to know that you guys have that side so that you guys, I can't promise you got good care. It sounds like there were some real barriers there. So I'm sorry here there were some. There were some barriers, but I'm wondering if they have that program that you guys do then at...

...a providence theater. Yeah, I mean most hospitals do now, but sometimes the hustle. Doctors are very busy and we're just people. So some of us are good communicators and some of us are not. and honestly, like I'll my side job is in quality and reducing adverse events from mistakes, and let's just say it's a it's not going away anytime soon. He's got job security and fixing the hospital mistakes, because there's a lot. Yeah, well, I mean on behalf of me and everyone I know that follows me, which would be like minded to me. We appreciate you know your job and what you do, especially during what we saw as one of the most difficult times and hospitals through covid and a world pandemic. So thank you for that part of your life, but I would love to dive into a different part of your life. That's okay, I'm okay. So I speak very openly about polyamory on my podcast and I have recently discovered pobbly amory to be something that I'm interested in learning more about. Unfortunately, I came across this discovery about two years ago when I was pregnant and then had a baby in quarantine. And now you know, we're still kind of going through that. So I'm still learning the ropes to how I can experience this finding of mine. But you are living that. You are in a throutle relationship. Is that correct? That's right. Yeah, eighteen years with my first partner and we were approaching nine with our second. Oh Wow, it's great, and you have okay, so you are, is a safe for me to say, a gay man? Really, I'm ready. You know what, these days you don't know what you're supposed to refer to someone without, you know, getting, you know, yelled at. So I just want to make sure I'm not insult sing anyone. Yay, ten percent by or he him like. We're all set. I am I am very hard to offend, so all questions are welcome. So both your partners are men, yes, okay, and a between the two three of you. You guys have two children. We do. Yeah, you too, and I was reading about this and I just found it to be so amusing the way you decided to go about having children, because I did something somewhat similar as far as needing outside assistance in order to have a child, but yours is so much more complex, you know, because we have three individuals that want to be parents now and we have a system that doesn't necessarily allow for that to happen so easily. Yeah, but started, I mean our biggest complication at the beginning was now, but nobody has a uterus, and so it's obviously you need a lot of help from a lot of wonderful women to progress to the point of being parents. And then the other complications. When we started we didn't even know that there could be three legal parents to a kid, and neither did the attorneys we work with. When we were working with our surrogate and our eggdownor nobody said like, Hey, this is even an option. We then found out that there are three parent birth certificates and three parent families. None of them were polyamorous, and so we decided to shoot for that and we ended up becoming the first polyamorous family anywhere that we know of in the world to be the legal parents of a kid on their birth certificate. Wow. Well, thank you for opening the doors for many, many people and potentially, if this works out for me, thank you for opening the door for me as well. ha ha ha. You know, California does have a provision. It makes it a lot easier for an existing child and there is a law that recognizes that if there's a third person as functioning as a parent and there's detriment to the child for them not to be a legal parent, that they can be added to the birth certificates. So that process is actually relatively easy because it's a state law that says you can do it. So if you have a kid and that kid says hey, this person's my parent too, and the story that the judge to reliably get you on the birth certificate for that. I read a recent article and there was a pull that found that a majority of Americans viewed the increases in cohabitation, unmarried couples raising children, women not ever having children and Gay Lesbian Couples Raising children as either a positive change or that they are just completely unbothered by it. Only single women having children by themselves were viewed as a negative. Fifty percent of adults viewed single women conceiving children on their own as a negative. Now that is seventy four percent of Americans that see what I did as a bad thing, the way I brought my amazing son into this world, by looking for the most perfect donor, which I thought, you know, for creating a human would be and that's how could that be wrong? How is it that what...

...you're doing it with with two other people, and you're more acceptable? So this is a very interesting world for me and I really want to explore both sides of it, because we don't, we don't, we don't hear about these conversations too often. You know. Well, I gotta, I mean, I gotta check the Internet here, but I don't remember when it was, but Murphy Brown was like the leading, you know, pop culture representation of single motherhoods made the conscious decision on the show that character at least, to have a child by herself. Often, you know, that was like, I think Dan Quail is president, so our vice president. So this been the time. But yeah, we hear similar things to what you heard. We hear not like, Oh, you know, you shouldn't be a single parent. We hear Oh, you've deprived this child of their mother and they're going to suffer for this and every child deserves a mother and father and that that's something that, you know, we should definitely come back to because there's a lot of misconceptions that are going into people saying that about us. But I wonder if what you're hearing is is based on the fact that it's a lot of work. So it does help to have that support network, but it doesn't have to be a partner. You know, sometimes people have like all these other involved people in their lives and the kid is in a village of love. They do great, you know, and nobody ever suggests, you know this right, nobody, because Oh, you know, your wife died during childbirth and so you're going to be a single dad, we're going to take your kid away. Right, nobody ever would even think that thought. But we still have all these people coming to people who are single parents and saying you should have done this, and it's like, well, is that kid okay or or is mine? You know, like make up your mind. You know it's inconsistent. and May I ask you a little bit of a pressing question. I I know that your daughter Piper and your son Parker, neither of them are biologically your children. Correct. was there a way you guys decided? I know you said you guys used your sperm, you took the donor egg, which was a friend of yours, and you guys put in your donor sperm and whatever took took so it wasn't. You didn't know. Did you know? WHO's? Yeah, the embryo. It was. Yeah, for sure. So I mean, like this is all very rigorously controlled at the lab, but this starts off with the process of WHO's going to be parents. Like when typical straight couple decides to have kids, all they have to do is, like usually decide to go off birth control and that's how they decide to go you have kids. We had to pick biologic mom. We had to pick someone who's willing to have kids but not be able to control them as a parent. So that's a big ask for people's to give up your biologic child to someone else, and then a surrogate, which is someone who's willing to make you a baby and go through all the discomfort of that and produce something with her own body and then hand that to you. Those are big asks. And then we had to determine who we're going to be the DADS, and they were three to choose from. So there's like five decisions, when normally there are like zero, and we ended up deciding we all wanted, we have the possibility of being dads. We got eleven eggs from a egg extraction we did and we all got a third to fertilize, more or less like I had one fewer than my partners and we know, like you know, they're all kept separate. So we all know who's the father which embryo and none of mine developed that. Both parents on the male side and the female side were not young, not teenagers. We're not ancient, but mom was like in late s when we extracted eggs, and so you just a lot fewer viable eggs at that age. So none of my mature and one Ma Church from each of my partners and those are kids. That's amazing. I love your process. You know from me it was not as hectic as far as the amount of people who had to, you know, put into the ID of process, you know, but it for me it was just kind of scoping out the whole nation and neighboring countries through a donor concierge company that, you know, fits the description of sperm that I'm looking for. And you know, I did the egg extraction. We you know, we put them together. We made a bunch of embryos and that's what it ended up being. The healthiest embryo of the bunch made the cuts, you know what I mean. So I totally get that, because at the end of the day, all we really care about is the health of that child. That's all that ever ends up mattering. Is, like you just want to make sure it's a healthy, happy human being. You know, yeah, that's okay. Seem a little bit bigger. I mean, like that's a very common sentiment. I just want a healthy child. But you know, we talked about that when women are giving birth and they said that's their priority, and I think that's the ground floor for me. I think a woman giving birth should also be able to determine a lot about the birth process, what positions she wants to be in, how hard she wants to try, you know, have priorities, what kind of pay medicine she gets, like have a lot of choice and control over that. It's a big deal on his her work. So I like to start with a healthy baby. We all know we want that, and for us we had another very specific thing that we wanted. We wanted a girl first, and we were like, if we get a healthy girl embryo, we're going to do that first, because we're like girls are just...

...smarter and they're going to develop faster and be better older siblings. So we got to do that, you know. Yeah, and that's what we did. Why we have an older girl and a younger son, because boys are kind of done right. Right, no, yeah, right, I mean I I have a so I have a file, about a fifty page file on the donor of my son. Okay, well, they comes with a picture, his adult picture, his childhood picture, and fifty pages very detailed through his entire family, his psyche, Val, everything. I know. Everything about your situation is different. You guys know the the the donor egg. In this situation, have you considered how you're going to communicate this when your children are over a certain age? Have you already communicated it to Weldren? How does that look? Because I'm learning. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. What age do we I wait to hand my son that file? What Age do I say? Daddy's? You don't have a daddy. How do I don't know what I'm supposed to do. So I'm learning. If you don't mind telling me how you've decided to do it. Great Child is now, how one. He just turned one a couple of years ago. So we're kind of at that stage where you know that person might be aware that there's only one parent and and may start to have soon, you know, be speaking and asking questions about this and everything. We decided going in we were just going to tell the kids the truth, age appropriate truth about everything, you know, reproduction bodies, you know, like anything that came up. We're going to tell the kids the truth where their food comes from. We actually have meat rabbits at home and so they've met the food sometimes and we like this is this is going to be lunch and in a month. So with a parenting we've just told our daughter like just the truth and we've made it as simple as she needed at the time that we were telling her this. But right now, if you ask her where she came from, she will say, well, a doctor took some of Daddy Jeremy and some of Mama Megan and they put me inside our our friend Delilah, who made me and helped me grow for nine months and when I came out she gave me to my parents and she knows that. She has three days. And so though, and then other families they have two parents and sometimes it's two moms or to dad, but most of the time. It's a man and a woman and their mommy and Daddy, and most people only have two parents, but I get three, right, right, and she's everyone's like, well, this will confuse the child. She's not remotely confused. I mean this is her whole life. She's known this the entire time. There's zero confusion. She's completely aware of everything. It's no more confusing to her than like, have you ever come across the situation where people like I don't want to see men holding hand in public at how am I supposed to explain that to my child? And someone says, well, you just say that they're in love, like a straight couples in love. Right, that's simple. So it's only confusing two adults. It is mom Magan in in the children's actively in the children's lives. Like do they hook her as so? Do they? Do they ever confide in her or want to go to her for comfort as Mommy? Well, I mean they know that she doesn't live here and she's not like a parent the way her dad's are, because she lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and we have her visit. One of the things we agree with is, you know, people deserve to be compensated for egg donation, unless they just really always wanted to do it. You have to take medicines, you get injections, there's some risks, there's some discomfort, you have to have eggs extracted from your ovary with a needle, three Regina understidation, like you should get paid for that. Oh, I know, Hanney, that wasn't oh my goodness, and let me tell you something. My first shot at IVF, the one percent chance of it turning a topic happened to me. The whole point of IVF is to bypass the Philippian cheops. For a lot of those people who don't know, you bypass the Philippian tubes and you directly placed the embryo inside the woman. I have an autoimmune disease and three of my doctors came together and I think the only conclusion that they came up with was that because I was having an autoimmune and there was an inflammatory issue, they think my Philippian tubes might have worked as suctions to pull in. They could not come across some medical answer for why. I turned a topic. From there, it rup shirt. I was actually in the middle. I was I'm on a TV show called chaws of sunset and I was in the middle of a raiky situation. I started having the stomach aches and I'm ahead at home and I call my doctor on my gun. This is just a piercing pain. He's like, I need you to get to you are now, and I'm like no, you know, I'm hungry, I'm going to go get he said, listen to me now. I got to Cedar Sinai in Los Angeles and they rushed me into right straight to the back into OHR. They say it has rup shirt, and they removed both my Filippians soups. It was very, very intense because...

...as I'm being taken into the OAR and this little Gurney, I'm signing off on documents from these officials. I guess they work for the State or government. I'm not sure that I had to sign off that. I am understanding that I'm sterilizing myself and it now was a huge moment for me. But you know what, three and a half months later I was pregnant with my now one year old boy, Elijah. So God bless Ivf I will take a million of those needles in the vagina, in the asshole, in the ear anywhere just to do it all over again, but that he's mine, you know. Yeah, I have so much respect for the women who are out there making that dream possible for other people. That's amazing. So I really applaud the both the women, the three women that helped you in your process. Yeah, well, I mean more than three, but yes, we think, Oh wow, yeah, we had, I mean just to count off some of the major ones, we had an amazing a donor our first serget, our second serget at our first daughter's hospital, one of the nurses volunteered to give us a year's worth of breast milk. Totally amazing, totally wow. Yeah, super. And then like, I mean we have a supernanny who's got the kids right now and, you know, just kinds of like wonderful friends, like we have lesbian friends down the street who watch the kids and they're like give us the kids for the weekend and we're like, well, it seems like a long time, but they just want the kids. So they're like fantastic babysitters. So yeah, so many women who helped this. But yeah, for us our thing with a mom is was so she lives in Chattanooga at the time we did this she lived in Argentina, so we knew that she would be remote and instead of payment, she said, could you just agree that I'll always be able to visit the kids and you'll fly me out once a year to see them, and we're like absolutely. So she sees the kids at a minimum annually, but it's you know, it's been more than that functionally, because we'll go to see her and she'll come out more than once. And I remember recently on our Instagram, some person just like had this kneejerk reaction. This was like stick, oh, they need your mom, they're going to be self set that they don't have a mom, and I was just like they're with her right now, like literally at this moment there with their moms, so you must be happy about the situation now. And it's like Internet is people just get out race don't even know what they're talking about. But you know, for everyone who's like freaked out because the kids, you know, need their mom and you can't have a family without a mom, I'll tell you number one. There are lots of successful gay parents out there that don't have a dad or don't have a mom, because there's two of the same gender, but our kids are actually surrounded by lots of female attention, including a turtle. So yeah, we're taking a quick break and when we return. I've never been a boy. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to him when I start seeing, you know, Napkins and stains and lotion next to the best. It is important. I think it's very important to have the opposite sex influence involved in a household that, you know, doesn't have it naturally available. For me, I make sure that my father is in my son's life day in and day out. I have enough few who is eight years older. So I make sure that that interaction still, you know, goes into play. But you know, it's still probably never the same thing. You know, because I've never been a boy, I don't know what I'm supposed to say to him when I start seeing, you know, Napkins and stains and lotion next to the best. I don't know what I'm supposed to know. I don't know. I don't want to embarrass him because no boy wants were to talk Abom who do I send to him to Dad? Yeah, like the uncle figure pretty much, but I mean honestly, like the same thing applies to us when we get into like email reproductive system and especially when menstruation starts and the guiding our daughter in navigating the world of intimacy, but also navigating the world that's currently still controlled largely by men and discriminates against women. So we've thought a lot about this and what we will say and completely normalize the whole issue of menstruation and be prepared for it. So we've gotten some pep talks from females in our lives and we know I am completely comfortable having that discussion with her, but I still suspects you'd rather do that with a woman. Do you think that? You think you would be comfortable with Megun did that. was she be comfortable to Oh yeah, okay. I mean we know so many women have already volunteered. I mean there's like we had like a book club meeting or like three people are like well, do it and like we have the mom, we have our two friends down the street and we have our parent I mean there's just like so many people who would do that. But also, I think the biggest thing is it's not going to be a big deal. There's a lot and then out there who, like, don't know the first thing about it and they be mortified to pick up a pack of Tampons in the world. Are Like at the store, as if that doesn't happen to half the world, you know, and it's just for us. It's just like this is just a thing that exists and we're going to normalize it and it's not a big deal. And when you start something like that by knowing it's not a big deal, people read that on you and the discussion becomes a lot easier. It's like when you're telling someone you're gay, if you're in tears, when you start like it's a big deal and right just the thing, it doesn't matter. It's like being lefthanded. Then other people. I mean, you can't promise the result,...

...but it goes better because people can read your energy. I agree. I feel like that's sort of my mo for my life, is that it's just I've been so open and unfiltered about who I am and the life that I live that I doesn't really leave a lot of room for people to come into use any of my things against me. You know, I hate conventional relationships. I was married for seven weeks and divorce the motherfucker. You know, I couldn't do it. I wanted a sperm donor. I been, you know, the complete walking taboo and controversy of my entire culture amongst all my friends. And you know what, they've never been able to hold it against me because I come into it so openly and honest and confident. Right, I just I leave no room for anything else. I got my Oh, today I'm into polly amory and everyone's like, okay, you know, if I were to come into a like, I think I want multiple partners, everyone's can back. Oh my God, what's wrong with her? Oh my God, she wants multipart partners. I'm like yeah, Bitch, I want a hundred no here, you know what I mean. So I a hundred percent. Well, piggyback on what you just said, I definitely you know, have you prepared for the teenage years where I was a very, very, very bad, bad, bad teenager? So I'm imagining the worst case situation which you could have having a teenage daughter, that everything is going to end up being the parents faults. Whether you like it or not, it's you that did this to your kid. Like it's your fault, Dad, it's you with it did this? Have you guys spoken about that moment when that finger comes to you and says it's your fault, you put me in this situation? I have three DADS and no mom and I'm fucked up because of you. I mean, I guess you might say that, but she does have a mom and we have made plans already for her to be able to like visit and spend more time with her. Like you know, we talked about whether she could go and live in Argentina for a summer when the time came and learn Spanish, which is a goal of ours. She actually knows decent amount already. So I mean she will have a mom, but you know, kids can say anything. She's three now, she's in the terrible threes and she says hurtful stuff now. But we have a good team. Like I'm, you know, kind of pretty level headed, hard to get in rage kind of guy. I've got my one partner WHO's a psychiatrist WHO's literally had child development training, and then our other partners like a zookeeper and a pastor's son, so he's had the combination of raising mammals plus like maximum politeness and good behavior training. So we're like all work together on this. We know that there will be some rough patches and we're working at a very early age about apologizing, responsibility, politeness, respect for others, and that's a combination stuff. We want her like to go well. We want her to have an open, you know, welcoming disposition and take care of other people, to be able to recognize her boundaries and advocate for herself. As somebody tries to take advantage of verse, she's gonna be like, Oh, hell's no, and and here's why. So we are planning for that and we expect that there will be some the teenagers. But you know, yeah, I'm in a perspective. Yeah, I was reading something that and I actually asked a need. I said, please check this out, because it was a lot of comments that came from the actual recipients of the being the Downer children, and there was studies done and about how they felt, where they distressed, angry or sad because of they being a donor child. I'm sorry, I don't know why I can't say the donor think straight correctly today. I'm just at they if they asked the recipients of being these donor children, if they were distressed, angry or sad for the fact that they had a donor. I think each person was different in a sporty when they found out that they were that's a that's a that's a big percentage and and I again I channel that back into my younger years when I blamed everything on my parents. And my parents are in August will be fifty years of marriage. They're still married. So it had nothing to do with their marriage situation or their relationship situation. It was just easier to blame your parents. So I don't know what I'm supposed to do when my son turns to me and says, you didn't give me a dobt. How was I supposed to learn how to be a man? This is why I'm doing this. In this in this it's your fault, mom, because if forty eight percent had agreed on this pole, the forty eight percent of these people have been distressed, angry or sad because they are a product of a donor. What does that mean for me? Like it's scarce. I think part of their anger and disappointment or whatever it is, and is mainly because of when they were told in their age, and also some of them take it as like you know, for you and in a sense, you're going to tell lies at a certain age. Yes, but you're also are you? I don't know...

...how, I don't know when. Right now it's what do I say? You've Ian has clearly explained guest to his children. Yeah, how he's going to go about doing this process? I don't know what that first step is. I don't know what age that first step starts. Obviously he watches cartoons. You know, there's a mommy, there's a daddy, there's you know, Father's Day, there's Christmas, where kids at school have to make gifts for Mommy and Daddy. What happens on these nate days? I don't know. You might even meet someone tomorrow and he could have someone out in joy and one of my child three or four people, because you would want would you say? You still may have a parent or it sounds like you might have two other parents by the time that you know the kid. I think you might. I mean you just sort of tell them the truth. Whenever these things come up in the next time you're reading a book and there's parents in it, you just sort of explain that you lies. Is the result of a gift from a man and that person doesn't live with us. But you know, we're thankful that you're here and you were created out of love and I wanted you so much that I went to special lengths to have you. And you just say the truth, which is a some parents or some families don't have two parents because somebody died or they try. The case maybe is these are these are common things and kids they don't know any different. He doesn't know any different right now. So explained it to him. It will be his norm. The other thing it's struck me about that is it there maybe forty eight percent of people that are staying. They have some kind of distress around that, but I don't know when that study was done. One question would be, like how old is it? Because openness to stuff is increasing rapidly. There's was like so many kids. Now, like there's Transperson in my family, there's another transperson you know, you're a friend. There's a transperson in our preschool and it's just like they're the openness to this and the willingness to accept these things from all parties, people coming out and doing it and other people accepting them, is changing dramatically. As is the openness to things like polyanry. So by the time that your kid is old enough to understand this, I think they'll be so many different family models and lifestyles out there that it will be kind of relatively normal, hopefully. Yeah, I mean Dotty, it was done in a two thousand and eighteen. Oh, yeah, it's not old. That's not but what? What were the ages of the people interview because if they were like twenty five, they probably weren't given the full truth back in the day because people weren't that honest at that time. They just yeah, yeah, some of the I think that they were doing that. Some of them were like before the nineteen s and Thens, and then there was a big difference between them. Oh, yeah, that I did ID S. Yeah, they said that there was a study done that showed that before nineteen ninety, only nineteen percent of parents had told their children, as as children, that they were done or conceitd. After in nineteen ninety, forty nine percent of parents or adult parent are telling their children as children that they are gen or can see. That is a massive jump from nineteen nine, you know, eighty nine, to nineteen ninety. That's a thirty percent jump up right there. That's huge. Right, like what? Like you said, cultural things are shifting. Yes, everything's more acceptable. It's okay for a young boy that's five, six years old to already be identifying as gay and parents to be opening those doors, you know, and I love seeing that personally, you know, because I'm that walking controversy of a person. So I really enjoy seeing that and I'm actually really interested in seeing, you know, your journey in and and seeing your children. Are you planning to have more? We are not. So we've used all the UMBRYOS that we had and it's a huge process and everyone's getting older and two kids is a handful, turns out. So even though there's three of us, were like this is good, asn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so as far as the journey, like, we thought it was worth some people knowing for several reasons. One is we want to kind of normalize polyamory. I honestly think that it's kind of like the default setting is human brains. We're not just like monogamous for life. That's why we used to see unhappy marriages and then we see now this serial monogamy thing that people are doing and my attitude is just like humans weren't traditionally monogamous for life. Why are we trying to force that model and people? It'd be good if everyone knew there's an option, that they don't have to be monogamous and they can talk about that with a new partner at the outset and what they want their relationship to look like and then have the life that they want. So part of it is visibility. We also want people to understand the sergacy journey a little bit better so that if they're doing sergacy, they don't make mistakes. We did it and they, you know, learned from somebody else's example. And we also want other polly people to know that there might be more legal protections for them, because the reason we did this was not to like make news. We did this solely to protect the interest of our kids and ourselves and secure like legal protections for our family. So we want other poly families to know that those protections exist for them and be able to pursue them, and that's why there's a book. So wrote a book about it called Three Dad's in a baby, adventures of modern parenting, and I came out in April or late March, nose late March, and it's...

...also like funny. So it's not just a school assignment. It's it's an enjoyable, ends well, positive journey that people can take easy read and I think we all, after two thousand and twenty, need like a positive story and something that ends well. Right. Oh yeah, it's out there. I agreed to what you were saying about, you know, people being more understanding for things like polly and stuff like that. I used to think I was a serial monogamist. I thought that's where the word is, monogamous, right, and I would just jump from relationship to relationship, three months, four months, five months, and I just kept getting bored in the minute the I love you words came out of a guy's mouth, I just I ran through the back door. I just wasn't finding enough stimulation from one individual that I needed. I needed more. I wanted to be challenged. I get turned on by mental challenging. So for me I realized after a while I probably keep jumping because I need a little bit and that's why I came across polly. But you know, I've had that conversation whips with the the audience seventy times. I feel like I don't want to like go back into the polly thing. But, Dr Ian Jenkins, I would really love to thank you for spending this time with us. I would love to thank you for opening the doors for so many people out there, both just in the gay world, the straight world, the sereghacy world, the putting your name on birth certificate world, just a lot. You guys did a lot, because one thing goes through, it allows other people to be able to follow through easier. So thank you for your work. And I know Anita has a little some some plan that she loves to do on our shows. I'll give it to Anita. I hope it's an interpreted dance. But Oh yes, so this is a little part that we call forgive me, I have sinned, and so just just you know, questions, silly part of the shall I tell yeah, so, okay, I'm going to just go into the first one. So what is the call it? or where is the coolest place that you, Alan and Jeremy, have had a threesome? Had A better story for you. I thought you were going to say like have visited. I was going to say Iceland, but it's going to be that easy. I mean, let's to be honest, there's a little bit of organization that has to go into an event like that. So there hasn't been any has it been a crazy location for that that I can recall. But I will say in the completely different context that looking out over the rim of Yosemite Valley and enjoying the Milky Way in the middle of the night is a lovely experience. I recommended anyone. I got over at half down, when you look up and that Milky Way is just shining in yoursembody, it's just gorgeous. But you know, I didn't even know if the three of you guys all slep together. And because not all polly means. Yeah, well again, I'm sixty three, one of my partners is six five and we've had between two and four dogs which are like fifty five and seventy five pounds. So there's no way to put us three in the bed. So we actually have to kind of primary bedrooms and will rotate who sleeps. We're on the basis of Jean for child care observation, because the second bedroom is by the nursery, and then we also do like work schedule, so like we all have different work schedules in depending on WHO's getting up early, will put that person downstairs. It rotates. Eve. Can I have you back on once I do practice of polly relationship or situation? Can I have you back on so you can tell me if I'm doing things right or wrong or and and we walk through this, because the whole bed sharing thing, I don't think I'll ever get to that point. I need I have like a callie king and I still need more space. Yeah, is it ever okay by just send the partner to the other person's room all the time? You know, I don't think that there's a rule or directly that anyone has to follow. There's no doing polly right or doing wrong. Unless you're not taking good care of people. You're hurting people. So if you're being honest and you have everyone's emotional and physical wellbeing in mind and everyone's a consenting adults, you do you. Is My attitude. And you know people who think this isn't right. If you don't want to polly relationship, don't have one. They're like gay marriages is optional. So you know you want to be monogamous your entire life. I support you. That's a fantastic model. Go for it. So you being a quick question. So Allan's the one that kind of brought this upon you guys, right after about seventy eight seven years of being how was your many really dead knee working on Allen, the former? You know, we raised Catholic more conservatively. I thought I had the opposite. So was you introducing the idea to Allen? Okay, Yeahtcha, Gosha, okay, hi, five, e and hi five, five, five, virtual high five. Oh my goodness. So, organ on gg, we'll see what we'll see what happens. Okay, and then this other question is...

...this is more like just a question. It's not so like, you know, forgiving, have to sin, type of like. But how do you really feel about Jeremy Being the popular dad? Do you feel like you like with our kid? Yeah, with their kids, like, honestly, it's like a good jealous yeah, so he's the preferred parent right now for our daughter. Our Son is easygoing and loves everyone equally, as long as you give him a mask box car. She is a little bit of a shadow on Jeremy and he would just like he's like sometimes I just want to go to the bathroom and not some with at the door, you know, and you know we, we, the other parents, would also like to not, you know, have him have a child run past us if she scrapes hern to go to to Jeremy. So, you know, we just been told the kids have favorites and that it's typical and relationships and there's sometimes years where they run to mommy or to daddy or whatever the case may be, and that's just part of life. So, you know, we talked earlier about like, Hey, everyone's happy, we have a pretty easy life. None of us got fired during the pandemic. We didn't lose close people to us during the pandemic. Like there's a lot to be thankful for. I prefer to be unequal footing as a parent, but it isn't happening. So I'm just waiting my moment. Maybe she'll want to learn a moment yes, and carving later on, because those are my things. I'll I'll teach her that stuff. Good. Thank you so much, ter a and Jenkins. Thank you for joining us and I honestly would love to have you back on for a full polyamory a discussion. But thank you so much for helping me I have learned a lot more actually about, you know, maybe how to get started on preparing myself for answers for my son and what I should say and the way I should introduce people into his life. So thank you so much for sharing. But to their life for US flexible and when you want to talk about like how people can open up a relationship or start a relationship with a new person, when you're single and you want to leave open the possibility of that, being polly like, you're the guy growing down. I'm not. I don't know if I'm the guy, but I'm a guy. So well, you're my guy now. So thank you so much, Dr Anne Jenkins. Servant. Bye Hye. Thanks for listening to genuinely gig download new episodes every week and, if you haven't already, subscribe and be sure to leave us a rating and review and while you're at it, check out some of the other great shows available on Straw hunt media.

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