Genuinely GG
Genuinely GG

Episode · 8 months ago

Therapy For All w/ Dr. Alan Berger

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This week, GG talks to her past therapist and uncovers the importance of therapy and psychiatric health in general. They dive into the ways GG is interested in changing and how to do go about doing that.

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Straw media. Our episode today, you guys, is with Dr Allenburger. Dr Allenburger was my therapist a while ago and I recently reached out to him because I wanted to restart therapy. And as I was talking to him, because he's moved out of California, so we were talking and then I was like, you know what, he be a great person to bring on to the podcast because he's just got so much knowledge and information, especially about relationships and stuff, and I thought we could discuss that here. Me Personally, I need to go back to therapy because I feel like I've reached some blockages. Okay, I don't like that. I can't get myself away from being just a logical person. Okay, I'm tired of it. It's very exhausting. I don't want to have to see everything as black or white, you know. I want to see the grays. I want to want to be more emotional and show, just show more emotions, yeah, or more expressive. Maybe expressive as a good Er. Yes, afraid, like, if something makes me excited, I don't know how to show it and it's like it's not that I'm not excited, I just don't know how to show it, and then it's insulting for other people around me. Because this they're like yeah, because then they absorb the negative energy and then they're confused, like wait, I thought that was a good thing. Is She okay? And because I think I'm seeing this, hopenny to one of our friends, and I see how being unhappy around people can really bring others down. Yes, I want to learn to always are not always. I'm human. I'm going to be sad, I'm going to be miserable, but I want to learn how to smile and show that happiness when I am happy. H Does that make sense? It does make sense. You know, you always smile and you're always like you, but you know, you know when I am Sad, when I'm happy, when I'm excited. I guess I do. I we saw time, as I do hide. You're very good at hiding, even when you're like you. I did always like do you need anything? I'm like, like I go to do you need anything? INDIDA? Yeah, so maybe I don't express myself as much as I thought and I do hide behind myself sometimes, but you do. You don't really show anything. I can't tell with you now. I mean I do it differently. You do it it. You hide it with your nurturing and I hide it with my just numbs Dale Wall like. Yeah, I think there's a lot of people out there that could benefit from hearing Dr Burger's words, you know, or just in general, just understanding the dynamic of relationship in other people. First starts with your relationship with yourself, with herself, and understanding where you stand and your boundaries and what your red flags are. You know, I mean, I love it. Let's get into it and talk to Dr Alan Burger. You know her from shawls of sunset. You know she doesn't hold back. Dr Burger said, you know, I get the fuck out of this class because I was I was heated, I was heeded. I would ready to fight this girl. All. Okay, this is genuinely gg. We are sitting here with Dr Allen Burger. Thank you for being here, Dr Burger. We're really, really excited to have you here. Actually, I'm very excited to have you here. This is my co host, Anita. Hello, nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you. You've come up in a lot of our discussions over a last few months. A Lot. Yes, thank you for you know, making her be better, more normal person. This kidding. She happens to also be one of my best friends, so she my God, somebody called you normal, dd somebody called you normal. Imagine that. Imagine that. Oh my goodness. So for those of you guys, I want to tell you guys a little bit about Dr Allen Burger. Dr Allen Burger has, oh my gosh, I can't even how many books have you written? Five, six,...

...seven, ten s books. Now it's six books now. I I have experienced very, very personal and intimate experience with one of your books, because the way I met Dr Allen Burger was at lm. You, I was taking a course. Well not, of course. I was studying a field which was an addiction the treatment of addicts, and I was trying to emphasize in the area of addicts with a dual diagnosis, you know, some sort of issue, and Dr Burger was one of my teachers and one of the courses and it. What was the do you remember the name of the course, because I sure as hell don't. Dad Did I think the course was either introduction to counseling or introduction of family therapy. Maybe it was something like that, because I remember our course study we had to read one of your books which was called Love Secrets, revealed what happy couples know the family. That would be that. That would be the family therapy class. Family therapy. Okay. So I was taking his course. And now, mind you, if you guys know me, know I have a little bit of a past, well, big past. I've anger issues, I have ego issues, power issues. So there was one girl and she had been in this my course study for a year now and I just couldn't stand her. I couldn't stand her and I felt like a little bit of a fish out of water at lm you, because I started feeling for the first time a little bit of different treatment based on my race. Not from Dr Burger at all, but I started feel so I was getting bitter here and there and courses. I didn't know how to express myself properly. And this girl, why it does? It can be bl blue eyes, blonde hair, you know, just everyone loved her and she became my enemy, you know. So. So she said something, she was talking in Dr Burger's course and I interrupted and I said something to correct or undermine what she said and it turned into a back and forth. Dr Burger said, you know, I get the fuck out of this class because I was I was heated, I was heeded. I was ready to fight this girl, okay, and I turned around and I said you get the fuck out of this class, and he's looked at me. I remember, Dr You were read and you looked at me and you took a breath and your shoulders just drop down a little bit and you said, you know what, sit down, sit down in your chair and let's talk after class. And then at that point I'm like fuck now, I really do want to get out of his class and I sat there and we talked after the course and it was such a moment for me, where most people did do that. They kicked me out. I've been kicked out of ten schools. He took that breath and identified something and he gave me that chance and I couldn't wait till I was finished to lm you, because I called him up. I was like, well, you please be my therapist, and it's. You know you. You changed my life in so many ways. From there, you filmed with me on shots of sunset many seasons ago, where we did an amazing technique shuffling correct yeah, that's right, shuffling and I basically you go from seat to seat on the couch and you are yourself and your whoever you are addressing within yourself. And for me it was my anger. It was the GG in me, the not the Golnessa, the GG, the one who thought that she had to have her fists up and Punch people. And I had so many realizations with Dr Burger and it was just amazing. And he's so well rounded in everything, sobriety's a big one for him, but it's I learned a lot from you as far as myself, my relationship with myself, and that's why I was hoping you can be here today to talk to Anita and I in the whole world out there about, you know, understanding more about ourselves so we can identify red flags and boundaries in our relationships. But you know, first of all, I'm I'm sitting here recollecting this with you right now, and...

...and look at we've been on quite a journey together. Yes, I mean and in your right. I mean for whatever reason, I was able to be, you know, interact with you in a very different way than what you had experienced uff to that point. In time, and I think that this is an important part. You See, I think a lot of our our outward behavior are overt behavior. Isn't who we really are. It's an adaptation to some pain inside of us, and what people do is they don't understand that, so they they treat that anger and stuff. Is, though, that's who you are and you aren't that. You're so much more than that gg and I've gotten a chance from being able to sit in the front row, so to speak, of your life and watch how you've unfolded when you started to address these things. I mean it, it's been amazing to see you really find yourself. They can come into your own. So it's a delight to be here with you and to share this with you and and too, hopefully that we can pass something on to somebody out there that struggling and suffering in their life and at least, at the least give them some hope that there's another possibility for them. Right, because that's what you had at that moment, that's what I've had in my life and we all need that. It's you know, we can only see what we can see, and at that moment you were able to see another possibility and I'm glad that we were able to search that possibility together. Right I am too. I am glad you said that because I realize that in so many instances in life, when things happen, things of turmoil, things of loss, sadness, anger, it's an amazing ability to be able to say, I know this is temporary, and not just say it to convince yourself of some bullshit, but to actually feel that this is just temporary and I have that peace within me that things are temporary. I still sometimes can get misled by my ego, by my anger, by my pride. I'm still human, you know. I'm still going to have these situations and I want them to still happen because I learned more about myself at the time something happens like this. But I think identifying myself was a big thing, because that's when I learned boundaries. That's when I understood this is acceptable in my world and this is not acceptable in my world, because I cannot experience those moments of rage again. So I need to protect myself. How do we know if we're our boundaries are protecting US or sheltering us? God, what a good question, isn't it. Huh? Because because they can do both. Right, if I if my boundaries are too impenetrable and I don't let anybody in it all to my life, then I'm shutting the world out to protect me. And look at people do that. People say I'm tired of being disappointed, I'm tired of feeling hurt. The only way that I'm going to be okay is to not want anybody in my life, to not want anything from anybody, to be needless and wantless. And they just now try to create this little bubble that they live in, and that works for a little period of time, because you don't feel the pain of the conflict of the relationships right because you're you've tried to erase all your expectations. See, that's the thing. Now, problem with that is that you end up very long and at some point in time that that being alone isn't the problem, but it turns into a loneliness because your world becomes a Soliloquy. It's just all about you and there's nobody else in it, and you know it. It's it's like you know...

...that that's that creates a lot of that creates another pain, because you know we all have two instincts, and I think it might be good to talk about this. We have, we're all born with the desire to be a part of to connect, to join, is you and I have talked about a lot. But we also have a strong desire to be our own person. And here's where the RUB comes in. Is If we are, if our parents know how to balance those two things, then we're going to develop the skills to be in a relationship, because the skills to be in a relationship are balancing that togetherness with that individuality and treating them as both important. But mostly what happens is either we make the togetherness more important than ourself, and so we erase ourselves, we throw ourselves away, we become people pleasers, we try to do what the other we want to do whatever the other person wants us to do because we want them to love us, or we say screw them, it's all about me. I don't care what you want, it's about what I want right. So we fall out of one side of the better the other, and both sides are problematic. Are Our real quest in life is how do we stay balanced? How do I make you as important as me, not more, and not less, and when I do that, that's when I can set healthier boundaries, when I'm considering what you want but also considering what I want at the same time. I hope it's safe to say this. I think we, you and I, are exactly opposite. Say That like you are exactly yes, right, I am complete wall. I went into the opposite I am Numb to outside emotion. I feel a bountiful of emotions, but I just I'm very on logical about it and I hate it. I don't know how to feel. And then I have Anita. You are expressive, you are loving, you are looking for love, you're open to love, you're giving, your nurturing, your everything. I'm not. Maybe that's why we are best friends. Are But do you feel that that you are hurt more in life, her, more life? So when you see someone like me and more, do you think you want to be more like this or be more like you? I mean, everyone says, you say the grass is green or any other side. I feel like if I'm more strong and it's better to be like you and see. I would rather be like you, though, but I'm constantly her and I constantly feel like I'm giving and not but you're experiencing life. Is that right? How Hell it's as Dr Breger, this is turning in a relationship health. That was your couples there. Yeah, so, look, you see, gg what I would say? You sell yourself short because it and I'll let the secret out now, you are one of the most caring people I know, and that the problem is is that you care so deeply at times it is so challenging for you. That's why you try to shut the Spick it off and not to feel it so much. Why you don't? Well, I it's learning to balance. I you know, and I would say the same thing. I don't know a Nita, but I know Anita's got a side of her that wants to be herself, and that is it. That would also, if she allowed it, there would be more room. But just like for you, being afraid to let that carry out because you're going to be taken advantage of, somebody's going to manipulate you. You know you're going to get lost in a relationship for need is, if I let you know who I really am, you're not going to love me, so I'll try to just be nice all the time. See, so that's the kind of what happens for us in this stuff is we have both...

...sides. Right, you have both sides, I do, but there's certain experiences we have and because of the anxieties we have, we will emphasize one part over the other. So in MINNITA's case, she brings out her loving and compassion and and and sensitive part of her, but there's also the other part. I'm sure that's in there, Anita, I'm sure she's in there. It's gotta get her out. Do you ever let her out? I don't know. I don't think so. I think I need to. You keep her in the background, a lot, on the background, but maybe with your help we can get her out. I don't know, but you're right, gg GG. Let's that part of her hang out right out. I mean, you know, you live that part of you in bold, living colors, GD and it's great. It's parts great, but there's also the other side of you and I've seen it. We're going to take a quick break, but when we come back, well, that's usually when I end up leaving. The Guy I know talking about soon as I see it, and I asked as if I'm so fucking perfect. It's an evil thing I drop them right there. A lot of people have a difficulties in relationships, not just into my ones, but relationships as a whole with other people, because we somehow expect people to be on our same mindset wavelength all throughout life, and it's almost impossible because our journeys are so different. Probably why I don't believe in marriage for that fact. But we have a marriage in every relationship. I'm married to Anita, I'm married to my parents, I married so my partners, right, right. So people are able to create these bonds and these establish this connection, but for some reason ego still is more powerful then letting go being submissive. For me, and I remember going back to one of your books that I read, Love Secrets are field. I brought this up to you a million times after Burger I need, I think everyone knows, is one of my favorite sentences from your book. Wise, submission breeds resentment. Yeah, and I mean I want to tattoo that across my forehead, even though I believe I took that to the extreme other end. I would love it if you can explain to everybody what that means. Submission breeds resentment. Well, unfortunately, in is you know from what you're saying. You know, relationships are a challenge. There there, there, there, the most challenging and difficult thing that we're going to experience in our whole life. And why is that? So we can sit here and start to think. Well, I believe it's said as someone becomes more important to us, then it becomes more and more difficult to hold on to yourself and not get overly influenced by what the other person's doing. Another way of saying is that the more important somebody becomes to you, the more anxious we're going to become about that relationship, in what what it means and what it's going to be for us. So when those forces get activated, you know, if I make you so important now, I become dependent on you, right, and if my dependency on you says, okay, the only way I'm going to get you G to love me is I'll submit to whatever she wants to do, I'll become completely the submissive one in the relationship. I will I will be her genie in the bottle. Anything she wants I'll give her, but secretly inside I start resenting you. How come you're not more...

...interested in me? How come this is all about you. So eventually, at some point in time, my resentment is going to start to, you know, spill out, so to speak. Right, right, I'm going to start taking shots at you or I'm going to call you selfish. Now, I'm playing a part of that. Right, if you're selfish, you can't be selfish without me abdicating myself. Right, if you say what you want and I say what I want, then there's no selfishness. You're saying what you want, I say what I want and we negotiate it. Hey, what makes sense? Can we is there some way we can find a way to meet both of our needs? Now, but if I'm not saying what I want and you're saying what you want all the time, then what I can do to try to manipulate you, to create room for me, as to say, look, how selfish you're being. Well, I'm not saying that because your selfish. I'm saying that because I'm not saying what I want right, and I'm trying to silence you and I'm trying to manipulate you. So, so this is this thing. If you start calling names in your relationship, you got to step back and ask yourself what's really going on here, my hunches. If you get honest with yourself, you're calling names. You're calling your partner names because you want them to behave a certain way, that they're not behaving and you're trying to manipulate them and say you shouldn't be like that, you should be like this if you are a nice person. Well, let's forget nice and let's forget not nice and let's just talk about being able to create an atmosphere where there's room for two people, where you can say what you want. I can say what I want, you can tell me you're mad at me, I can say I'm mad at you, and we're not threatened by these things. Now to get there, and here's the one thing that I hope your listeners can really take home. You have to stop taking what your partner is doing personally. Okay, explain that to us. I mean it sounds very simple. It sounds very simple, but it's explain that sounds so simple. It's one of the most challenging, difficult things to do. Okay, first of all, nothing that the other person is doing. Are they doing it to you. They are behaving the way they behave because of who they are, not because of who you are, but because of our crazy culture and the amount of personal importance each one of us feels. We make everything about us. Right, you're treating me like this. How can you talk to me like this? Don't you care about me? While they're talking to you that way, because that's the way they know how to deal with their feelings. May Not be a good thing, but why are you taking a personal you see what I mean? Yeah, how calme. You're making that about you and not seeing the other person. And See, that's the thing that trips us up. So if I start to try to control you and a relationship and get you to be the way I want you to be, I'm no longer in relationship with you, I'm in relationship with my ideas about you. Right, that's exactly right. That's why I like open relationship, just like I have nat of it. Are you so? Are you in the with the wrong person or in the wrong relationship then, or do you know? No, no, not at all. It's what you're doing, is you're it's not about whether you're at the right person or wrong person. It's about taking care of yourself and not taking things personally. See, that's the issue. Is If I'm getting upset with you, you're not upsetting me, I am. So this is another part, and this is another part that's hard for people to get. I am not responsible for your feelings. In a relationship, everybody takes responsibility for the other person's feelings, but I think I understand all. So what I need is saying is, at which point do you say there's just no connection here, like he this is. At which point is it accepting? They...

...who they are, for who they are? It has nothing to do with me. Does it come to I can't accept this anymore because it's not working for who I am. It's not about accepting I don't want I don't want to do it. I just don't want to see it gets to that point of just saying I'm not interested in doing this struggle anymore. I don't see any value in it. I don't see that I'm bringing any value in it. So I'm unfortunately I'm not able to meet you, and that's okay. Not Everybody in our life is going to be someone that we can find to do this dance with, right, because this is it's kind of a dance, isn't it? Yeah, so you know, going to know it it. I think what people, what I see, Geg, is that a lot of people get to that place when they just feel that there's no longer they're no longer of value to the partner in a relationships, no longer of value to them, and it's that moment where they just there's there's no more future, and when there's no more future, it's time to walk away. And if we choose to stay, then it's our choice whatever we go through. Well, that's an important thing. You're right if you choose to stay. You know, you've got to ask yourself, you know, are you still expecting them to change? Right, and that you're still trying to to they it's false hope, right. Are you creating false hope that somehow things can be different? And I'm telling you, you know, if you can't accept the way things are and find value in that, then you're kidding yourself if you think are things are going to be different and if they changed, it'll be okay. I agree. Yeah, that's are would red flags. I would say those are the reds. I say a lot of people look over red flags. They why, you know, brush it under the rug and they're like, Oh, you know, maybe he's having a bad day or maybe you know, she's just it's her time of the month and whatever. It's harmonal. People start making excuses for certain things and to me that is being submissive to self. Yeah, but can I can I bring up another point, don't you? Yeah, here's, I think, an important thing. Hi, because see, I think the other thing that happens is we've got to also understand that in what I say it you're going to go well, course that sounds right. We all know that, but I don't think we do. See, when we first come together in a relationship, you know, that romantic period of time when we found this one person, we feel like we're totally in sink. My God, we think, go like we're you know, you know, we're wanting to spend every minute with each other. We're excited. We look at that other person and always see is how wonderful they are. Right. And then all of a sudden, one day you wake up and say, my God, she doesn't worry, she's not wearing makeup. There's the recal. So now now reality comes into play right, right, and every relationship goes through a period that I would call disillusionment, and that disillusionment creates disappointment. Now the problem is is people treat that disappointment is though something's wrong. Well, that's usually when I end up leaving the guy. I know right why I am talking about soon as I see it, and I act as if I'm so fucking perfect and I have everything perfect. That's how I act. It's an ego thing. I drop them right there. But that right there. Maybe that's okay actually now, because it's better than like when you're someone like me that you drawed out and you make excuses and then you stay. Should be some sorry, he's fine. Moderation. Yeah, but we got to get to the balance of that. Yeah, it's what I'm saying is I'm not saying it's not right or it's not wrong to stay or leaved, but what I am saying is that we don't deal with disappointment, will see. That's the issue. There...

...is, because every every relationship is going to go through that. We're going to be disappointed because the other person is not going to be perfect, and that's fine. They're not supposed to be. We're not. Human beings are imperfect beings, right. We are all imperfect beings. Right. The best, the best, best baseball player that's paid millions of dollars of play baseball only hits about twenty one out of every four balls. Yeah, I mean think about that for a minute. I mean it's crazy, but what I'm saying is as when we don't deal with the disappointment, then we say that they're wrong, instead of let me deal with my disappointment and let's see if we can get this relationship on a little bit better reality grounding. Right, instead of living in our fantasy about what we think we need the person to be to be okay and to have a good relationship, let's learn how to deal with who we are and what is going on and see if we can grow out of that disappointment. If it if a new possibility can emerge. Very rarely do people have this skill to go into the pain of their disappointment and to look at what that means about their expectations and about their perfectionism and how they've idealized this person. And that's the problem, not who the person is, but these ideas that we have about who we think that person has to be for us to be okay. Does that come from a level of self insecurity? Yes, it comes from emotional dependency. It comes from this idea that somehow something out there is going to make me okay. She's got to come along, you know, my my prince charming, he's going to come along. My Queen Ashiba are, he's gonna come along. My Cleopatra is going to come along and make me okay. Well, you know, you heard me say it in our class, that Dr Nathaniel Brandon, a brilliant therapist, he passed away a number of years ago now, used to have a plaque above his door and it said no one is coming. It's a good one. What is it like? No one's coming. It's you that you're waiting for. You've got to find out how to show up in your life and learn how to deal with life as it is. See, that's the real key is how do we let go of all of these expectations so we can get on with the business of dealing with life as it is, because that's where that's where your true happiness is going to be found, and being able to cope with life on life's terms and not demand life to be what we think it should be. We're going to take a quick break, but when we come back you're so out there in so many ways. In in other ways you're so isolated. See, it's always these paradoxes, right. You are the most public isolated person I know. I needed. Do you identify with what Dr Broger just said, because I do feel like you are someone who's, you know, always been interested in finding a relationship and someone you know to have that intimacy with and mentally as well as a big one for you. Do you feel like you are are searching for more deeper relationship with yourself? I think so. I think. God, how do I say this? Like, I think before I would take a lot of bullshit from people and and now it's like a little difference. So what I stay in a relationship as long as I was, with all the red flags and stuff? Probably not. But now I think I'm fearing out, like what I want more and what I can tolerate as a boy. Answer...

...my man is boundaries. Yeah, as I'm getting older and it's taking it's taking a long time to get there because I've been in some really horrible relationships. Yeah, you've been hurt, I've been her a lot you, but you still like this. Will you know that there's someone out there and I'll find them right. But then I always find that the one now, one is coming, one's coming. But then I find this little things and people that I that I tend to want to like not be with them or make it. I don't know if it's fear of like so's, I'd like to sabotage things self, sabotage so am I. Did I answer you? That? I answer your question. Is that is I am I like totally going in a different tangent or well, no, no, it's your right on see what happens. Is is weak because you know what you're saying is is that when you have this experience over here and you say God, this relationship, it's so great, I just wanted to stay like it is. And that's what we do. You See, when we experience something great, we don't want it to ever change. But that's the problem, because the only thing that's that's permanent in our life is change. Everything's going to change. The issue becomes one is can I deal with and accept the changes and and make the best out of him? John Wood and a wonderful basketball coach, had a lot of wisdom and every one of his players that played with him said, I learned so much more than basketball because the guy was brilliant and wonder little sayings he has. The people that do best in life are the people that make the best out of what happens in their life. Yeah, I mean, think about that. That means that we don't hold onto something and say this has to be this way that, when it changes, like I'm saying, if I deal with my disappointment, you know my wife is not going to is not going to meet all my needs, she's not going to satisfy all my desires. What do I do with that now? Well, I grieve it, I cry over what's not there, and then I can appreciate. You know what, in one way it's good she doesn't because it forces me to grow up instead of being little baby Allen and she's going to take care of all of Alan's needs. Now I got to stand up and be man, a man and take care of my own needs, or a person and take care of my own needs. You see, that's the opportunity when we get disappointed is that if we deal with it the right way and don't blame the other person or don't hold on to it, then and new possibility merges when we hold on to the past, we can't have a future. And I want to say that again. If I hold on that a past and I say it has to be this way, then I have just erased any possibility for a future, and when you do that you start to get depressed because it's not real. Your look, that's right, that's right, gg. The one thing I love about Yougg, is you are all about real baby. Yes, a little bit too much, a little, but I'll tell you though, but you look, nobody has to figure out where you stand with them. Let me put it this way. That's true. You know, I wish I had. I I still to this day, I want to go get a test because I need to put it in my head that I might be like autistic on the like she's sting or something. Drop that. I said it one time. These I can't let it down. It's like stuck on man, like I might be autistic. Evan's as a compliment, like I think you're, I think, very smart and but like, I don't know, but I just that's just saying. I like you know, it's it's it might make sense to a lot of things. And lack of emotion. Yeah, I don't know. You don't have a lack of emotion. Correct that. See, that's that. You keep saying that I don't have lack of them. You are the most emotional person I know. Yeah, for you to say you have a lack of emotion, it's you don't know how to regulate your emotions. Is when you're struggling. It's not a lack of emotion. You are a passionate you are one of the most passionate and that's why you've been so successful. Is People...

Love Your Passion Gig for life. Thank you all. That's nice. HAH, okay, I mean, I always did look at it like a negative and and it's. It's just I feel stuck. It's became negative at times when you didn't know how to deal with it. Yeah, see, it's, it's, it's, it's you have a zeal and a zest for life that is so attractive, that's so charismatic and that makes you who you are, and it's in it's, it's you're delightful to be around. I appreciate that. I mean, I definitely do feel like a black sheep to a lot of the norms of society. You know, I used a sperm donor, and here I am, you know recently. I mean I haven't seen you since I was pregnant, Dr Burger. But you know, polyamory's a new thing for me and the direction I'm going. But I just I get a lot of ridicule by the world before I get any praise, because I feel like everyone's a little slower catching on to certain things in life. Yeah, but whence people are there, they're like, Oh my God, you've been talking about this for ages or but because of that, because I feel like I don't fit into my society, it's harder. So I do not necessarily like being so real or seeing the I could smell bullshit as if it was written all over someone's body, and I hate that. I want to enjoy people for who they want me to it see, not for what I actually see, if that makes sense. Makes a lot of sense. No, look, it makes a lot of sense. And See, that's what I mean. It's like, how do you put that together? It reminds me of that movie, the Green Mile, right number, that one with Tom Tom and great men. Remember, he just absorbed all of this energy from people and he didn't know what to do with it. Right because he could see the evil and he could feel it and you know, he just picked it up it. He was like the sponge, right that he all took it in and you know you're describing. That's why I say when you say you're not feeling, the real truth of it is you're highly sensitive. Yes, and that's what you just described, is how sensitive you are and how much you do resonate with people's energy. Yes, I do, and I've chosen isolation for the last safe isolation a few years because I don't know how to do with emotion or anger and I felt like it's better if I isolate because I can't fake it anymore. I don't know how to lie anymore, like I used to know how to even smile and pretend, but I can't even do that anymore. So it's easier to isolate for me, and covid makes it easier easy. You know it's like that. Stay away. But you know, it's always these paradoxes, right, the most public isolated person. I know that's that's the don't see. That's the Betadox, right, you're so out there in so many ways. In in other ways you're so isolated, right, but they're both true. And see in the fact that, like even doing this show is to connect, is to be connected. See, that's the part of you that doesn't want to be alone, or else you would just have a listener of one and it would be yourself and you'd be recording all your shows at home and you wouldn't care who's listening. And you do care. You you have an interest in this because you do. You know you have a message that you want to get out. You know that who you are and even and being different, can speak to the other people out there that also feel like, how do I fit into this world? Yeah, I don't necessarily, I don't march to the same beat that other people do. And you're right this. It's hard in our society and on so many levels. You talked about the cultural, the racial level, the personal level. We have all these expectations and rules about how people are supposed to be, and what it does is it doesn't make room for people and always see as Goddamn rules and prejudice and racial bias and hate,...

...and I mean it's very, very sad. It is. It's a sad world and I would recommend to anyone and everyone to hire you as their therapist. I only have to any proof that Y am for Yus literally in my God, I appreciate I appreciate your confidence in me and it's meant a lot through the years and stuff. And Look, you know there are some things that you know, when covid started, I felt this isolation to and you know, one of the big things I'm into is I'm helping a lot of people in recovery try to find, you know, a new path to their life where they're not as so self destructive. And you know about twenty some years ago now I discovered Bill Wilson's writings on emotional sobriety and it's met so much so when covid started, I started on Thursday nights and that's why I'm announcing this. It's a free group. You don't have to hire me. You could come and sit in this group on Thursday nights. It goes from seven to eight o'clock Pacific Standard Time, and the first half an hour I talk about some kind of an issue about emotional sobriety. Like last night we talked about awareness and how important awareness is in life. And then I have a couple other therapist that comment on it and then the last half an hour people share what it means to them. We have a hundred eighty people showing up on a regular basis, sometimes two hundred, sometimes a hundred and fifty. Where can people go to find that? I can. I will send you the link in all of that and you could post it on your podcast. Anybody can come and join us. It's Thursday nights from seven to eight PM. It's an open it's a community service. It's an open twelve step meeting on an emotional sobriety. Okay, so they can do that. They can find I've got all kinds of videos on youtube now about emotional sobriety and also about relationship. The other person I want to invite in some day, if you'll have me back, I want to bring my partner, so Williams in Joe is. He's a professional, he's a colleague of mine. He is amazing and we did a program together called I wrote Love Secrets revealed. So when I did an audio program called love matters revealed and people can get it on Amazon. But I love for me to come back with Zoe. Yeah, I think you'll. You'll find him delightful. I would love that and and if anyone else out there wants to find out more information about Dr Burger, you can go to his website at a be phdcom, and his website is your websites amazing, Dr Burger. There's so much information and my favorite thing is how personable he makes himself on his website. His back stories there, and you can really sort of you humanize yourself, which I love. And it's not that you feel like you know you're coming to Dr Burger's page just to get treated. It's a you feel like you're going to a person who understands, someone who's been through it, done you know, and I like that. To me that means a lot, so check them out a B phdcom. Thank you so much, Dr Burger, for being here today with us. Means a lot getting you. Finally, thank you, Zaz thanks for having me here and I look forward to connect and we can soon need a nice men as well. Yeah, thank you for everything that I want. I won't be sending you an invoice for this session. Thank you. I appreciate that. But back to ash you more, because there's a lot. There's a lot here that needs to be broken into actor. Thank you, guys, thank you for having me. Thanks for listening to Geminely Gigi. download new episodes every week and, if you haven't already, subscribe and be sure to leave us a rating and review and, while you're at it, check out some of the other great shows available on Straw...

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