Genuinely GG
Genuinely GG

Episode · 1 year ago

Husbands' Reza Farahan & Adam Neely-Farahan

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

What was it like for Adam to come out? What was it like for him to introduce Reza to the family? This week, GG sits has a conversation with Shah's co-star Reza Farahan his husband Adam Neely-Farahan. From Straw Hut Media Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Straw hut media. You know her from Shaws of sunset. You know she doesn't hold back. You being a gay son to a colonel like that. That's that's a lot of people are like, wow, what's that got to be like? Did you have to hide it? was He open with it? Did they give them Shit Him Shit? It wouldn't, and you know inside this is genuinely gg my first guest today is a good friend of mine and probably the only person, aside for myself, that I know that loves animals in nature so abundantly. Growing up in Oklahoma, he finally made his move to sunny Los Angeles, where he would soon meet his future husband. By Day, he works as an editor on hit shows like American horror story and Glee, and in his downtime you can find him baking fresh pies using fruits from his own garden or laying around playing with his house filled with pets. His husband couldn't be any more opposite than himself, but together they are the perfect formation of Yin and Yang, as two gay men with two very different upbringings. Today I would like to focus on what it was like growing up a gay man in Oklahoma to a military family, our guests and his husband will shed light on their perspectives of their experiences with this. Please give a genuinely gg welcome to Adam Neelie Farre Han and his husband, res a fire. Huh. Hi, guys, what I'm Gee, thank you for coming. Oh my God, I'm really sad. I just have to say Anita couldn't be here in Ursa. I has to sit in her place. Anita sent a message because she's really sad that she missed this and she wants me to play this. She's so slowly. She sent a video. You doesn't really you guys can't see her into this little tiny phone. Oh and Nita, Anita, okay, hold on, it's here. It isn't me. Turn the volume all the way up. I'm going to play. Should I played into her microphone? All Right? OR SO LA? Sorry, hi, guys, hires a, Hi, Adam Higigi, welcome to genuinely Gigi. I am so sad that I'm not going to be a part of this today. You guys were actually the the the two that I really was looking forward to and that, unfortunately, I'm you know, I'm working and I have like a meeting. Actually, I'm here getting up cards made for my client. But that's said. Thank you for today and missing out, but I'm there and spirit. Thanks for this topic to great. The topic of, you know, being gay in a military being for Oklahoma. I mean I know the whole like may be in from the Midwest and just can't imagine. So this is gonna be an amazing topic and I love you too. I love you guys, and you guys have to come back again again soon so that I can actually be a part of all this. Okay, love you guys. By Gigi, by, I think Ursula's hires Ala, BYERSLA, by Ha. Wow. Okay, so she really wanted to be here with you guys. Honestly, she couldn't shoot. You know, she's working, so that's amazing. But thank you, guys, for being here. It's amazing to have this conversation. It's not too many people that I have come across that have a similar upbringing as you. To Adam, I don't know, it's up to you how much you want to talk about things and where you want to go with it, but I would like to start maybe from all the way back, that you are from Oklahoma and you grew up in Oklahoma. Why don't you tell us how long did you live there before you moved? What was it like growing up there? I moved there when I was a baby and then I moved to Illinois for a handful of years and who back for fifth grade through my first year of college. So I grew up there my developing years. Growing up there, it was kind of different everything. I always felt out of place. I always knew I lived in the city and I always said to my parents I'm going to move to Lah and you know how parents are. They're kind of like dismissive.

Oh yeah, whatever. But and I always felt like the red headed child, like I always felt like I was the odd personnel because I was different. I mean you kind of are little. He called me Rose Nyland because you know the I do have my Ros nyland moments. They're not intentional, but you know it, just don't think the same way that everybody else does, right, and so I always felt different internally, emotionally, mentally, I always thought outside the box, and a lot of the thoughts are outside the box. People would always look at you know, Oh that's weird, why would you do it like that? So it was different. It was different. I always loved it with an open mind. I felt growing up a lot of people were closed minded. And what's it called when you live inside the same bubble your whole life? You Noble, you never travel outside that bubble. Is there a phrase for them? That's called exactly now, living inside of a bubble. He said it. That's what it's called. I mean, but you have a you have a father with very high ranking. Correct. What what is his ranking? If you can explain for everyone. So I know that in the military you have different ranks. You have your your generals and your commander's my father. He's a colonel. So he commanded some many hundreds of people. Wow, look to him. He was he oversaw and managed. I think the last time I spoke to him about it was nine hundred people. Well, which is a wow, wow, that is that is an and being in the military, that's that's a whole. I mean, we were just having this conversation recently because we saw somebody wearing a hat that represented, for you know, veterans and that person hadn't served, and I talked to you directly. I was like, you know is I didn't know that that was an insulting thing and I thought that that was, you know, showing props and you said no, your dad would even have taken offense to that, you know. So that's really interesting for me because it's a whole world that I think that a lot of people don't know about. And you being a gay son to a colonel like that, that's that's a lot of people are like, wow, what's that got to be like? Did you have to hide it? was He open with it? Did they give them Shit Him Shit? It would in, you know, inside. What was it like? Were you? Were you scared to come out because of who your father's and your your family? I didn't. I didn't tell my dad up until season two of Shaws, which would have been like eight years ago, seven years ago, right. I didn't tell him that. I told my mom many, many, many years before that, because I was always more comfortable with my mom than with my father's. My father is never around. He we never developed that father's son connection. It was always a on the boss and you do what I say, and so we never develop a good father sim relationship up until I became an adult. Well, well, I was very nervous about telling them. So when I did tell him, he was very upset. He didn't talk for weeks, we maybe even months. What was it like that moment that you did decide to do that? How did you build that courage? How did it? How old were you? How did it? I have so many questions. You know, I have questions for the world. I want people to hear your story. I was twenty seven. Picture okay, I'm trying,...

Hetty, I'm trying to picture you a little twenty seven old ass. Okay. Well, I was twenty seven and res and I we've been together for no, No, when I was twenty seven we weren't together. We were, we were hanging out. Yes, we're dating. Wow. So. So when I did tell my dad, I was very risk because I didn't know how he would react, because he's he always came across me as very anti gay. He's changed today because you have an older gay brother that was already out. Yeah, and I I saw hell. My father reacted with my oldest brother came out and Andy took it out on my mom because because my mom was one who raised us, and he's like, well, if you would have raised them the way I wanted to, he would not have turned out like this. And then to my mom. Took it personally and I saw her face right, and so I did. I didn't want her to have to go through that again. So I only told her until I had to tell him. So once I told him, I was very nervous and I prefaced it with Hey, dad, I'm seeing someone and and it's not a girl and they're not white. Did he did? He suspected. No, nobody says never, never. And so he was like so, so he only thing he focused on was like, what do you mean? It's not a girl, and and and then so I took I came, I told him I just flat outside. Well, I'm seeing spend, the Persian, the Middle Eastern, and that's that's that's that's a big tell, like you're not just saying that I'm I'm out, I'm coming out to you, but I'm also in a relationship with a Middle Eastern, half Muslim, half Jewish man. That's that's big. That's huge, like astronomically huge. What was there a fear in you to say that you are with a Middle Eastern man? Actually, when I'm with no mind, because because I I didn't grow up with my father's my most of my life so I didn't know what his reaction or take would be on because he's not racist or prejudice. I just didn't know where how he would feel about me being with someone who wasn't white. And you didn't really focus at all. He only focused on will early on, who's very disappointed. He's like your disappointment. This is the way I wanted you turn out. I wanted you to be like this and and it's like that's when I really came an adult or started, you know, putting my feet into the adult pool. Yeah, what by that is because I had to be assertive and I had to pick up to myself and I was like, I can't live my life for you. I got to do what makes me happen, what I feel. Wow, and that's very every crustation I had with him from that month within the next few weeks was very much like dad, you were a great dad. You never around. You know, you did what you could and this is just how I feel. Has Nothing to do with you at all. And if there is never ever any animosity for me towards my father, father was just very disappointed. Now, ZA wouldn't Adam? Well, I don't know. Adam, were you sharing this information with Zsa when it was happening. Okay, so res A, when you're hearing this information? Were you nervous to meet Adam's Dad? Where you nervous to meet his family? I mean, you've been to Oklahoma at this point. You done all that. Was it like racking? Now now I have. I had not yet been, I hadn't met him. I was super nervous and it reminded me of a scene from an...

Eddie Murphy Skate where he was like people were telling him like you better not ever go to Texas. You know, like things are up. So, like I was worried about meeting his dad. I was like his dad like comes at me sideways, I'm going to step to him, I'm going to let him know what time it is and he best not be disrespecting me, you know. So I was calling in with an attitude problem because Adam was making him sound like he might have issue with me. When I met him, it couldn't have been further from the truth. He was very receptive, he was very nice. Adam was kind of shocked. His mom was actually the quiet, reserved one. The Dad was all over me. Wow, wow, so he was going above and beyond to just say, you know what, I love my son and I have to fucking accept whatever this is. That's amazing. We're going to take a quick break, but when we come back, there's many people, if I know to this day, who still lived there, who are positive, even though I know you know that they're gay, and Aosit a lot of people stay in the closet there. They live miserable and happy lives. We know about like the stuff that happens that they talk about in the military, like the policies, like the don't ask, don't tell policy, and that was overwritten and we recently it was approved that a transgender can continue to take even hormones while they are serving. But your father was in the military way before all these luxuries that were gaining day by day. Was this something, because I'm assuming he probably has a lot of fellow friends that served still currently. Does he? Was it ever, not a fear, but was he shy or nervous or embarrassed ever to first come out and admit that he has a son that's openly gay, two sons whose sons he never openly discussed it? And so you know, he saw me and rest on the show on shots of sunset together, and that's when he was like, Oh, look at my son, oh he's, you know, making an impact on other being with lives, and my dad saw that it was doing more good than harm. And then so my dad, he then was very proud of me and how to have res as his son in law, and because he always calls it Resi, and he's like how's my favorite son on law doing? And it's a cutest thing. But as time went on, my dad became more and more comfortable with what people knowing. He has a gay son and he embraced it. He didn't try to hide it and he stick up for for me and for resident as, because my father before he fully retired from work all together, once you retired from the military, he started teach on a high school of junior RTC class and then so some of his students would come up to him like Oh, we heard about you and your son, and he's so on, like I have a gay son. Hello, hello, bitch, like know your place? Know your place, Mary says. They're probably would make a name for himself. He's hanging out lady do got. He's worked with Cathay Bates, he's working, doing this and that, and so once my father said all those things to his students, that's when the students were like, Oh my God, that's so cool. He knows lady Dogt, he knows Captain Bates, you know Sarah Paulson, and like. That's when people you could really shift and and the people who he touched and it was a great feeling for him. Do you feel that when you go to Oklahoma and you are with...

...your family and your friends out there, do you ever feel like you may be suppress your openness more when you're there, as opposed to hear you do? A hundred percent, because because LAH or not, LA, Oklahoma is a red state and and there's a lot of people who are very close minded and they were traditional life. Yes, there's there's many people who I know to this day who still lived there, who are was it, even though I know you know that they're gay and in Ausit. A lot of people stay in the closet there. They live miserable and happy lives and I don't want to be one of those people and but unfortunately I do go there, I do have to be more aware my surrounding and because I have to not only worry about myself. have to worry about RESI and and mys and rest of what it. What was your experience like when you were there? Do you feel that you also had to sort of suppress yourself in any way, or was it a fuck you, because you already kind of had that built up feeling a little bit for what you know your husband has gone through? What? How did you feel going to Oklahoma? Actually, when I was there, I was more interested in the lack of representation of other faiths because we were there for a wedding and saying like is there like a Jewish temple in this whole town? Like we've been driving everywhere and I'm not. I was looking for a little more diversity while we were there. I was I wasn't like thinking I need to suppress myself. I was actually a little shocked at the level of like how homogenized everything to ever felt. It was very like very wide, very cross worshiping religions. I didn't see a lot of different colors as far as skin tones or at cities. They felt very one way and I didn't feel like, Oh, I need to let my you know. Yeah, Dave fly fly high, was looking around like where are we like? It's very it was very David Busters, very kind of everything felt like a chain from Strip mall that we have here. It didn't feel very right diverse or so I just felt like very primitive in in a very long ago time era, very primitive life. So would you guys hold hands walking down the street over there? No, no, no, I mean, I might do this or it might go like this, but I mean I wouldn't walk down the street, you know, holding hands out. That was a bumper sticker with a guy with the gun going like this and it was like a political thing. Literally. I saw it right when we got there and myself, oh, people carry guns in their cars. Burn it's legal. So like I just need to like fly under the radar. My Mom, my mom, carries a gun. I mean that's I mean it's interesting. It makes me interested to see it, but and to have to live it and experience that, it's just such a different thing and it makes you so grateful for a living in places where you do have all this inclusivity and openness and color and diversity and all those options are there for you. You know what I mean. So, have you baked any pies recently? Adam, the last pie they was a was a Persian blackberry pie, and people devour and you were one of them. I think, my God,...

I need a new pie. I need a new pie. You know I am always hiding pie. Does your does your family when you guys get together and you have like dinners or something like that? Let's say it's your family or something? Does your family? Are they okay with you guys cuddling each other or if you guys are kissing each other? Would your father have been maybe I should say this. Would your father have been so okay with this dynamic if it weren't going to be on a TV show and had aired? And I he would have to admit to it. Man, I really doubt I highly doubt it, but I don't know. It's like he met Resa and I felt like his entire demeanor change because he was very closed off, stiff and just was not warm and welcoming. And he's he's come along way since he first met RESA and he's like embrace the the gay lifestyle that I lived with my partner and and he's but at the take the show out of the equation. I don't I don't know. I think the show validates it for him because he gets to see how other people feel about us, because when he was teaching ROTC, I found out that the school that he taught at, the principle was a member of the LGBTQ plus community. And then, you know, my fatherinlaw was getting praised because of us, and so I feel like for him it was, wait a minute, like all these people think I'm so cool because my soninlaw and my son or on TV, and so it really I don't know what. I don't want to discredit my fatherin law for being open minded and loving towards me, but I also have to be a realist and know that all of the praise and the nose nuzing that my fatherinlaw got from people who got to watch US probably helped in him accepting what was going on correct. I see what you're saying. It's very it's very different because here we are in different states and here we are saying okay to happily married men completely different backgrounds, cultures upbringings. You guys walk down the street, you hold hands, you guys kiss. You're on an international television show doing all this. You're walking down holding your pies wearing your little aprin. It's okay, you're just being new, but when you get to Oklahoma it becomes different, you know, and now that's interesting. It is interesting. But Oh, I adapt to my environment as well. You and I go LE's. I have traveled many times together, yeah, and we've gone many countries. Yes, and there's countries where we, as Middle Easterners, forget the fact that I'm gay. But just we middle easterners feel more comfortable in some places, I less comfortable in others. And I have to tell you, for me that's no different. When I travel in the United States. Right when I got New York by myself, I feel very comfortable. Obviously I, you know, throw on a little skimpy tank top and I go running, you know, along the west side highway. But when I travel and I go to other towns, I'm less likely and if I'm running, I'll stay on a main road, you know, like I think about those things, depending on my geography, of course, of course. I just I find it astonishing, to be to be honest with you, that we are just a few states apart from each other all collectively, and yet we have such different mentalities on what's okay, and what's not? I was reading quite a bit this last a day about Oklahoma, you know, the laws about, you know, being gay and and what comes with that, and just some of the things I just stood out to me.

For instance, and I would love to get you guys as input on this, is something that that's called the apt will employment. Have you guys heard of this? I think. How so, the the law of the state says they cannot be any discrimination against anyone, Lgbtqi a plus. I was like to make sure I get every letter in there. They cannot be any discrimination for a, but what at will employment means is that you can be fired for whatever reason and by law they cannot and do not need to disclose why. So is that a getaway with kind of cultural bias? same sex marriage right, because SAM said, it seemed like a lot of people have issues with men who are married to another man. It's almost like it's better to just be gay, but once you're married to another man, it becomes like they don't offer any type of spousal support in these type of situations in Oklahoma. So it's interesting to see that is there are still a level of pressure on the gay community to have to hide being gay in Oklahoma. I even say one hundred percent. It's, like I said earlier, like there were there's people whom I know who are still in the closet because they don't they're afraid of what their friends and family going to say, and especially when they go back home, because, unlike them, they go home very often. I'm not one of those people who go home on and it's because I don't want to have to censor who I am and when I go back calm, I feel like I have to revert back to the person who when I was when I lived there, and I don't like being that person and so I totally yeah, that's that's how I see it. Yeah. Well, I really appreciate the both of you guys being as open and honest as you have been. I think it's a lot of questions that a lot of people have when they think of these dynamics and people who are raised in these situations. So it's really awesome to have you share that with us, Adam and res A, your experiences, you know, being married to Adam and what that was like for you. I think you guys both for doing this podcast with me and if there's anything else that you think could be beneficial or help someone if they're coming out or anything you want to shout out there? Yeah, what I want to say is, you know, the catch phrase it gets better is very true. You will find your group, you will find your tribe, you will find your people. Sometimes they're your blood brother and sometimes they're your chosen relatives and sometimes your friends and friends and relatives will follow your lead. So don't think that, just because you don't have your people, your tribe, your community, now that you know, it's gonna be that way forever. Please know that as you grow and fall in and become who you are, people will love and respect you. Sometimes people just don't know. Ignorance sometimes is very negative and sometimes it's just because you haven't been exposed to something and once you are exposed to it, people realize. I have very close friends go mess and I have a very, very close friend the two of us. I learned from this person that once they found out their sibling was a member of the lgbtq plus community, that this human being, prior to was very anti community and then, once they found out their sibling was a member, became very pro community. So I know that for a lot of your listeners, gg, I want to thank you for having this round table with Adam and I and discussing it and Ursula Youtube. That that's the fact that people start to live their authentic life, even in places...

...like Oklahoma. I want to make sure that anyone realize is that they should test the waters that make sure that they their environment is if to come out in all and please find resources and helplines in your community. Absolutely, absolutely, honestly, there's there's family is not just in the blood. There is a very large community out there that has very open arms into welcoming all the LGBTQIA plus of people and all the other names that are coming along right now that I really am I feel like I'm too old and I smoke too much. We to remember all the name so no disrespect to any of those people out there. But if you guys want to check out RESA, please check out his hair. Caroline resip obsessed. It is amazing. I use it in my hair, I spray it everywhere, I use it from my edges and Adam, I'm hoping that we can soon get something like a tutorial on how to make those scrumptious pies of yours, because they're delicious. Stay tune, stay tuned. I love that. Thank you, boys so much for being here. I loved you. Guys. Are Not love you? I love you by Oh Eartha Ursa hope, I could just light up that Bonk for you. Go let me, let my join them that. That was a deep conversation. It was a real conversation. I mean, I think a lot of people think about what it must be like to live in states like Oklahoma or Texas or or those southern states that are very anti gay, anti Middle Easterns, and then here you are, the son of a colonel and your gay and your husband is a Middle Eastern man that's half Muslim half Jewish. I mean you just can't paint a better picture than that. Don't you agree? Oh Man, I really yeah, I know, I know, I love it. I really do love it too. We Love You, guys. Thank you, as an autumn, for opening up a lot of doors for a lot of people out there. We continue to send love to everybody out there and there's lots of support. Thank you for listening and if you have any questions, are so many helplines, hotlines, all that type of stuff. Out there. Just Google it up. You can see it. Thank you for listening to this podcast. If you loved it, subscribe, rate it, review it. Thank you, guys. Thanks for listening to genuinely gig download new episodes every week and, if you haven't already, subscribe and be sure to leave us a rating and review and, while you're at it, check out some of the other great shows available on Straw hut media.

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