Genuinely GG
Genuinely GG

Episode 41 · 7 months ago

From Bling Ring To Parenting W/ Alexis Haines

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Today's guest is Alexis Haines. Listen in as GG discusses how Alexis overcame her strenuous past and pivoted to a more stable life by getting married and starting a family. In the late 2000's Alexis got caught up in the 'Bling Ring' scandal that involved the burglary of multiple celebrity homes. 

From Straw Hut Media 

Straw media are so that you ready for this? Girl. I know it's been a minute since you cohosted with me, you look ready. Welcome to another episode of genuinely GG. Everybody, I have no LG to worry about and know and needed a go. Harry, that's an AG. Oh my God, GG LG AG. We are g three or Sola, we're going to have to give you a g something. You're just you are an og, all right, or so that listen, we have a really, really cool guest today. I think she's super cool because everything that I read about her just she just exudes a warrior. She's been through everything that you can possibly imagine this woman, and she turned that into magic. She turned that into a healing process, into her successes, and after talking to her, I just I want to be bfs with her. I'm sorry, we're so please, don't use that knife on me again. I I'll be your bitch always, but I just need a new bff. Okay, all right, let's cut to it. Alex Has Haynes. You know her from Shaws of sunset. You know she doesn't hold back, knowing that we are the source of our anger and sadness and madness is the same source responsible for our happiness and for our, you know, transformation into positivity. This is genuinely gg. Well, I am excited to have Alexis Haynes here with us today. Hi, Alexus, thank you for being here. How are you? Thanks for having me. I'm doing well. Nice to hear from you. Where are you located right now? I live out by Calabasas. Oh, you do? Your a valley girl, born in rays really do. Yeah, wow, I'm born and Raison La, but I'm very, very new to the valley. Like I just pot my cherry of going north of Moholland off the four or five, but I have to say I'm obsessed. There's so much stuff all around. I know it's great. Are you in like that and see no area? Sherman Oaks? Where are you? I'm yeah, I'm in the hills and see no hills. Yeah, yeah, it's just everything so accessible. I know, I remember I moved from the city back out you know I'm more suburban than you are, but I remember moving out here when I had my my first daughter and I was like, you mean to tell me I can go to target and Costco in the same day like this? Is Amazing. Score an LA. That's just not a thing. Like it's the parking and the traffic and it's just like such a nightmare. Absolutely my I grew up in palace verties. I don't know if you're familiar with you know, Rybe is so same thing. It's like over there you have a costco in a lows and a home deep howt, all in the same little, you know, parking lot. So it's perfect when you go out of La and you have all this spread out space and these days you have peace, because, I mean, La is so dangerous right now. It's chaos, and I don't think, I just think it's worldwide. Right now we are definitely in this place of awakening, and I've been saying this for years, like the way that we operate as a society is just no longer sustainable and it's driving people to their threshold. Right. Where do you what do you think the sources for that? Capitalism living underneath the patriarchy, endless wars and violence, not honoring like the divine, feminine and any of us, and you know, it traces back really to I mean, I don't know how deep you want to get into this, as deep as you want to take it, baby. So yeah, I mean as a human species we thrived and hunter gatherer societies and during the you know, and these...

...days what you see in these hyper individualistic Western cultures is tons of addiction, tons of pain and tons of chaos, because it's just not sustainable. It's not sustainable to live like this in disconnected societies. It literally drives people mad. The human brain was never meant to live like that. Right, right. For those of you who don't know who Alexis Haynes is, please Google her as you're listening to this. Alexis Haynes, you are thirty years old, right, and thirty. She's thirty years old. You got clean at the age of nineteen and man, you have really experienced so many different forms of obstacles in your life that I don't want to say normal people because I don't believe in the word normal, but which a lot of people don't have the luxury of having had to experience it to grow from it. A lot of people go through it and don't grow from it. Go through it, get stuck, go through it and unfortunately the worst case scenarios is, you know, they don't exist anymore because a lot of what we go through is misunderstood because of our society. I do believe what you said capitalism, meaning going into politics in general. It's a big weight on us and we are conformed to a specific type of society and if we don't follow suit, then we are considered abnormal. And then that, you know, has its whole array of psychological disorders, and then drugs and this and that and right. So I to have gone through it. I started using drugs at eleven and I got clean into my S. I took a bit longer than you. You got clean at nineteen, but you're drug of choice at that time was heroin. Is that correct? I mean I was a trash can for all drugs, but my primary drug of choice was opiates. It started when I was an early teen and it progressed pretty quickly to being a fullblown heroin addiction. Now, I know, I don't want to get into your whole legal past. You did get arrested for some mischief you were going through as a young adult, and was that the only reason you decided it's time to turn my life around, or was there something else in you that was aching to make a change and that was like okay, I gotta do it now. Yeah, I think it was a combination of things. You know, I am, or was, my record has since been cleared, a twice convicted fell in by the time I was nineteen. The first was a residential burglary charge and the second was possession of heroin. And it's interesting because everyone was, you know, would always ask me like okay, but that's that's when you decide to get sober. And actually it wasn't like I was facing six years in prison for my second arrest and I still didn't want to go to Rehab. Like I knew that that was the better option. I knew that I needed treatment. You know my whole family, they're all alcoholics and addicts for the most part, and you know, I had tons of early childhood abuse in every form, sexual abuse, physical violence in the home. Like I said, my dad was a really bad addict and alcoholic. There was emotional abuse, all of the things, which is why I use substances to numb out of that and to check out of my my reality, in my existence. And you know, I but I couldn't see. I I could kind of see that drugs were a problem, but I I wasn't ready to...

...do anything about it yet. I kicked heroin cold Turkey both times in the Linwood correctional facility, in in in the whole and in lockdown. I wasn't in general pop so I was by myself in a cell twenty three out of twenty, four hours a day, and I could kind of see like okay, you know, heroin's a problem for me, but we do. Isn't a problem. Alcohol is in a problem and, by the grace of God, Judge Peter Espinoza. Always say his name because he saved my life and this is why I advocate for prison reform and die virgins over going to prison for drug and drug related crimes. He sent he sent me to treatment for a year. He said, you know, go to treatment, but if you fuck up then you're going to do your full sentence. Well, I did fuck up, I just happened to not get caught right and when I had that relapse March eighth, I just turned eleven years sober. March eight of two thousand and eleven, I did whippitts and those were never my drug of choice. I had maybe done them once before, but I was sitting in the back of a car on the way to my drug treatment and I was doing whippets and I kind of had this like Earth shattering moment where I realized that the drugs and alcohol weren't actually the problem. I was the problem, that my unwillingness to heal, my unwillingness to face myself, my unwillingness to do the work was the problem. And so I thankfully, in that moment had the clarity to go, okay, I'm going to go in word and I'm going to do the work that's necessary. And I did. You did the work. So you checked yourself in. Was it? Was it voluntary? No, I just stayed. I stayed. So I was court ordered mandated to a year and in that moment I was like you were they going to get sober, you're going to die, like that's just the way that it is. And so I started actually going to the therapy and I started actually participating in the group therapy and I threw myself into a twelve step program and from there, you know, my life began to change. And, like I was speaking about prior like that, that that need to check out of reality, like we all have, we all have pain, right, and these different parts of ourselves that get wounded and all of those different parts, all of the fear, all of the anger, all of the anxiety, none of them wanted me to get sober, right. They all wanted me to continue to them out with drugs, and so it was a incredibly difficult for me to, you know, stop. And I realized that my addiction actually was my form of protection, like it protected me for a really long time until it didn't anymore. And so when you say it protected you, do you mean it allowed you to be numbed out emotionally, to not be affected psychologically by things that were happening? Yeah, exactly. It was like my only coping skill. It was the thing that kept me from killing myself. Right. So then I could kind of have like a gratitude towards it, like thank you for protecting me for as long as you did, and I need to take the reins now. And I went to school to become a chemical dependency counselor where did you go to school for that? I went to like a three year online, you know training. Yeah, I don't even remember what school it was. I went to Lmu for the same certification. Oh, okay, cool. I got my kid. I...

...went to lm you. Oh yeah, I went. We would have a lot of similarities. So I did. I I still open to sever living house. I did all that stuff and amazing literally like two months after my doors are open and I'm starting to get calls to get people to come in to stay this overliving. I got a call from Ryan Sea Crust's production company and they're like, you know, we have this TV show for you. And that was, you know, eleven and a half years ago that I've been now on this TV show. So I closed up shop. I did all that and I really regret that I closed it up, but I just thought if I'm going to be doing this new world of TV, like, I don't know, I'm my God, am I supposed to talk about this like sober life, like what I went through? So I was like kind of trying to hide it. Ish like I'm very open, but I didn't want it to beasts because I still drink alcohol. mind. You Right. So I'm like, okay, I don't do the drugs anymore, what I went to Rehelp for, but I'm still drinking. But if I tell people, most people don't understand that. They don't so I'm just not going to say anything. And then it started coming out because I started celebrating my sobrieting date and it was like, but wait, you drink alcohol, and I'm like yeah, but it's not that bad. And then it was four bottles of alcohol every night, and then it was rehab again, and you know. So, yeah, I went through a lot of stuff similar to you, but you went in and you did that too. You got this realization that it has a lot to do with ourselves, you know, whether it's addiction, psychological, what's going on environmentally, we sometimes just need to detach and look in the fucking mirror and and realize we are the source and knowing that we are the source of our anger and sadness and madness is the same source responsible for our happiness and for our, you know, transformations of positivity. We're going to take a quick break, but when we come back, he has it's amazing book. It's just everyone read it. One, the places that scare you and two, when things fall apart. Oh, I love when things fall apart and so good. It's so good and into my life. I love it. Now you said you had a daughter. I know you have two daughters? Correct. Yeah, I have two children. where? When did they come into the picture in your life of sobriety and realization and healing? Yeah, so I've met my husband, Evan. We are now separated and I'm starting this whole new journey and I haven't really talked much about that publicly, but oh, we will, we will in a second, we will in a second, because I'm into it too. Baby. So I met my husband, my partner, Evan. We started our own drug and Alcohol Treatment Center, or a House that is still existing and thriving and I'm just so grateful. And we got married and we had our first daughter when I was twenty one and then I had my second daughter at twenty four wo and so I was a really young mom and, you know, still in the midst of of healing, because I think it, you know, it unfolds and layers like the healing is never ended. It's like life presents us with, I always say, like whatever you resist persists, and so life offers US opportunities in relationships with one another, in just life in general, opportunities for growth. And thankfully I had the tools to continue to grow. So I was doing that and I was you know, young...

...mom of two and also starting the treatment center and eventually now, as you know, the podcast and my online courses and all of that, and I just I really found my passion. I think I would love to, just if you're open to it, talk about about different types of sobriety, because I do think that it is something that is so taboo and everyone has a fucking opinion about it. Yeah, and in my last eleven years of sobriety, ten of which were owning a drug and alcohol treatment center. I think that and actually I had Lala count on my podcast and we had a really challenging but beautiful conversation about California sober and about all of these different things and we had very different opinions on them. In my opinion, sobriety and abstinence or two separate things. I know many people who are stone cold abstinent for twenty years, who are not at all emotionally sober M and then I know people who had two years and decided to start smoking weed or decided to go try IAWASKA or whatever it might be, who are some of the like deepest, most connected, most healed people that I've ever known, and I really think we have to move away when we're talking about, you know, medication management, Akse of oxin method own things like that. When we're talking about all of these things, I think often the conversations are from a place of fear, yes, and not actually from fact. Right, and the fact is that many people thrive on twenty, thirty, whatever, however many milligrams of saboks in four years. That's not my personal journey, but I'd rather than be on saboks and then be dead. There's many people who really struggle with chronic pain, who don't want to be on prescription medications, who, in Sobriety, choose to consume marijuana, cannabis, and they're still doing the work and thriving. And and there's lots of people like who just can't do that too right, right. But I think that not including these conversations and having them in a thoughtful way is doing more harm than good. And I personally, I don't advocate for either side. I'm just here to help people heal. I think that, again, from most, getting abstinent different than sobriety. Getting abstinent are the beginning steps that are absolutely necessary to begin healing and doing the work one hundred percent, but it is not the only way. Right. I agree, and we're seeing that. You know, the studies out of John Hopkins with Philocybin and and these studies with with the use of DMT really just our solid science. You know that these plant medicines can absolutely heal the narrow transmitters in your brain and heal your brain hope. There's no question about it. There isn't any question about it. And that's where we go back to the politics, you know, that we were talking about in the beginning of this episode. We were saying there's a big implication from our political side, the society that says these things are bad, these things...

...are good. You know, it was then called marijuana because it was affiliated to Hispanics and black people and people of color. It was a bad thing. We needed to get rid of it. Big Farm of was not okay with this plant that was healing people. Right, so let's let's throw a name on it, let's call it a drug and let's, you know, let's let's give it a Hispanic Mexican named marijuana, right, and now it's two thousand and twenty two and we're so you have CBD and every fucking store. There's a dispensary on every block, more than starbucks. You know what? Yeah, so it's just there's tens of thousands of people in jail for marijuana crimes. It's like cannabis, for cannabis. And Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, there are and there. I mean I'm happy to see politicians that are stepping up slowly and they are speaking up in that regard, that people with cannabis convictions. It just needs to needs to get overturned. It needs to. Your husband, you have been married for how long? And April it will be ten years, and you guys were separated at some point. You said we are currently separated. Yeah, and it is. I'm I'm very Rott I'm not really ready to talk. Oh so this I had no idea. This is currently okay, this is something that's just happened. Okay, yes, happened and you know and it's okay, like we love each other very, very much, but well, let's talk about this. Let's talk about this. Part of Lixis you. We both know that so much of getting clean and dependency, codependency, all these things, it has to do with us and what we go through in our experiences. Now I know you have. You said eleven years sober two days ago. Right. Yeah, eleven your sober. Congratulations, by the way. That is a huge, huge thing to have. And do you get scared in times like this when there is a big emotional, psychological disruption to your life, where now you have kids, so your kids are involved in this, you know situation. Does this scare you like, Oh my God, am I going to dip back or are you in a different mental place completely? Yeah, so it's interesting that the title of my podcast, recovering from reality, really came from this major shift that I had around two years sober. Like prior to two years sober, I I would sit there and rouminate and go, how am I never going to have a glass of wine again? How am I never going to have a glass of champagne? How am I not going to have a glass of Champagne on my wedding? How am I going to stay so over the rest of my life? I had all of these thoughts that, you know, I was just really the obsession over checking out of my existence, over checking out of my reality. And then around the two year mark I really had this profound spiritual experience where all of the sudden being present and being in my life felt so much better than then getting loaded and they obsession of using to escape my existence was lifted. It was gone and it's never returned. These moments of challenges, and I've had lots. I almost died during childbirth with my second child. We had a we had a super high risk pregnancy where they told me she was going to die for my whole pregnancy. I've lost loved ones and friends. I've been through financial turmoil, I've had life has shown up for me in like pretty intense ways and the last decade of my recovery and I've always just I see my pain as purpose...

...right. It's there to teach me something and escaping from that does me no good. I know that the only way through it is to go through it. And you know, I practice a lot of Buddhism and my children is like one of my greatest teachers and she has this amazing book as to just everyone read it. Well, there's two one the places that scare you and to when things fall apart. Oh, I love when things fall apart. It's so good. It's so good. Changed my life. I love it. And in that book she talks about this analogy, about how life is a free fall and in this free fall we have a couple of options. We can go down kicking or screaming, freaking the fuck out. We can go down and complete fear and just pray and pray and pray that it gets better, or we can soften in the free fall and we can allow life to come as it is and we can get out of judgment as and stop saying that things are inherently bad or inherently wrong. Everything is pretty like neutral. And when we can get to this place of neutrality and of softening and of heart opening, we realize that our pain is our greatest teacher and that eventually it leads to purpose. Right. And so, even though I'm in an immense said amount of pain. I haven't slept in like four days, right. It's like so painful, I know that this is a great lesson for me, that there are gifts in all of this. And so when I can begin to shift my perspective and sit with the pain and and see, here's the thing. We heal in relation to one another. Everything is a mirror for us, and so this is coming in. It's illuminating fears of abandonment that I thought that it already healed, right, fear as a financial insecurity, that I thought that I had already all of these things. And what I get to do is invite healed my capital s higher self right to come in and to nourish my soul. And that is as soothing as the drugs were, and that's really so. The title of my podcast is recovering from reality, because it's like we get to be in our reality, be in our existence, sit with it and allow it to transform us into something beautiful and something different. And so yeah, there's like no desire to escape, as I just know that. You know, we get to put one foot in front of the other, we get to be kind and understanding. You know, I get to soften my heart towards my partner, who's going through his own and stuff, and I get to support my children and and by supporting them, it's really allowing my in our child to heal, because I'm able to do all of the things for them that I needed as a little girl when my parents separated. Right. A perfect example is the other night, you know, my my partner was out with a woman that he's been dating for a while and the girls were upstairs in my bed and my oldest was clearly disregulately disregulated, clearly upset, and so I said, do you want to try something with Mommy? And she's like sure, like what is it? And I said, on the count of three, we're going to scream and we're going to let it all out and we're going to shake our bodies and we're at a dance party and we're just going to sit here and we're going to scream and yell and shake and all the things. And my little list is autistic, so she didn't really understand what's going on. She just thought it was fun. But it was like this deeply therapeutic...

...moment for them, but also for me, because I was showing up for my own and our child, for my own little girl, right just as much as I was for my daughter. Well, can I ask you something about that? Yeah, I think a lot of the times there's a fine line of confusion for a lot of parents. When we say we want to do, we want to be, usually want to give of what we didn't get and by doing that we also continue to leave gaps and other things that we're not focusing on because we're so focused on only giving the things we didn't get, because we are feeding ourselves in the same way, but we feed our kid. So do you feel like there is a balance with you, with your awareness? I am feeding myself while feeding my child in this is there something else I need to be doing with my child? Does that play a factor or how did how does that work for you? Of course, I think it's a degree of just like mindfulness. Right. It's like the more than I'm mindful of, the more I can see and illuminate those gaps and make sure that I'm filling at my own cup and making sure that they're taking care of you know, and that means, you know, getting my littlest into all of the different therapies that she needs and getting my oldest into all of the therapies that she needs, right, and also getting myself into the therapy is and doing the things that I need to take care of myself. And I think a lot of people feel like they're drowning and like this is that would be so overwhelming. Like how do you balance all of that? And again, I think that it goes back to our Western culture and the way that we're living in this is why I say that it's just so unsustainable to we go, go, go all the time. It's just not when are able to slow down, when we're able to develop a mindfulness practice, those things don't build up and they don't let make us drown. Instead, we can clearly seeing like what what is laying out in front of us and what is needing to be cared for, and then we get to take the appropriate action and those things don't build up in unhealthy ways and leave us, you know, flailing and and trying to pick up the pieces later on. We're going to take a quick break, but when we come back and it's not bad, because it's not right. Sorry, that was my Alexa. What is my what is my life right now? What about the IMLT? Do you think that we could be the best we are at being parents, giving our children a great home, food, healthy lifestyle, healthy emotionally psychologically, but still the child can find their own path and that might lead into perhaps drugs or, you know, poor decisionmaking. Do you think that it's always from home? It's a complicated answer. So I will say then, in the last ten years you I own a drug and alcohol treatment center. I have yet to come across someone who doesn't have early childhood trauma and it just it usually goes hand in hand. Now those can be big tea traumas, sexual abuse, physical violence in the home, emotional abuse, all those things, or they can be compounded little tea traumas, right, that eventually build up over time to the point where you reach your threshold. But...

...so much of this is just not having the coping skills and the ability to heal, and that's why early childhood intervention is so important. Statistically. They say that if we eliminated any listen, suffering happens period. When we come into this earth, we're going to suffer. The degree to suffering matters and and having the tools to handle and process and cope. Wood said suffering right matters, and there's there's so there's suffering that that's just going to happen. That is just inherent. The loss of loved ones, things that come up for us. Absolutely. But then there's this aspect of society. Societies impact on us so in early childhood, in the first ze or to seven years and up to age fourteen, our brains are like little sponges. They are absorbing our entire environment, where a most two year olds know a McDonald's em over their last name at age two. Right. So like the things that we see out in society and the messages that we receive as especially as women, especially as women, one second, sorry, sailor, go down, go down, they down. I don't want you to hear her like Jingling. She's my little three legged pit bull. They down three legged. She's got three legs. She's my little Tripod. She's so cute. What happened to her leg? Shea Cancer? Oh No, yeah, she had cancer. I'll just take off her color. So that way we don't. Do you think that? I know I do. I could. I my son will be too next month, and having had gone through it at such a young age and come out of it and had the psychological awareness and studied it and done all that kind of stuff for it, I always say, Oh, I'll know if my kids on trucks right. But they the generations only advance. I think it's smarter and the drugs become different looking and you know what used to be, you know, up powder is maybe now like a little drop of something, and I don't know what I mean. So it's like I swear, I think if my son Elijah is going to try drugs or beyond drugs. I'm sorry, I will know because I don't have a problem with him trying certain things recreationally. Like I don't want him to get mixed up in like cocaine or heroin or, you know, these extreme drugs, but it's only inevitable, like smoking pot, drinking, smoking cigarettes. Are Right, so can this is la lifestyle. Well, it's. It's across the US and even the world, and I think that I think it's unrealistic to expect our children to remain abstinent. Right, will just do right. Do you think a big part of a problem with parenting is that parents swear that they're never let their kids do drugs instead of instead of working on what they will do, because they will one day do drugs. Yeah, I think that. You know, we know statistically that abstinence, abstinence, bace, sex education doesn't work. We know dare. You know remember dare and stuff all became drug out of DUBAIS resistance education girling. Forty years old. I know dare exactly right, and and so we know that these things don't work. I think that we are just so the at home life absolutely matters and reducing as many traumas, like those big t traumas really matter and giving our kids the tools and necessary coping tools and communication tools to handle those...

...small t traumas absolutely matters. But as a society, the the messaging we get is just so fucked up that like that impacts us to like. I think people don't think that they're affected personally by endless war, by poverty, by all of these things, where we absolutely are. On a spiritual level, we absolutely are, and our children are sensitive and they pick up on all of these things and I guess what I would say is, you know, it's so important that we as parents go and do our own healing and I think that most adults don't know how to communicate their feelings, don't know how to take care of themselves, don't know how to live presently, don't know how to do all of these things, which is why I've made it my mission to do the work that I do to like, help heal as many people it's possible, because it's important to do this work. It is important and I when people don't know how to deal with those things or cope with those things or even have the self awareness of their own issues, they begin blaming everything and everyone around them for what's actually wrong with them, and that has a psychological tool. And because I see it happening in a lot of households where the parents might be maybe a little less educated than their child or more shelled or from a third world country or whatever it is, that they're more primitive in some sense than the child and the child gets put down for not living in that sheltered box and that creates rebellion. You know what I mean? Alexis, if I were to ask you if you could, because I have a lot of MOMS out there that listen to this podcast and you have an amazing, amazing podcast, I went to your website, recovering from realitycom, and I checked in to a couple of your episodes of your podcast, which is recovering from reality. I really enjoyed listening to that and I enjoy your insight on life. It's always easier for me. I went to Rehab a couple times. You've been through the system, we've come out of it, and I'd say it's really easier helping people having had gone through it yourselves, and I think people listen to us a little bit more attentively than they do someone who just memorized some stuff out of a book. And so if you were to leave all these moms out there, or are people who are out there perhaps maybe going through an issue with their kid that might be going into drugs or might have drug addiction, what would you recommend for these people to take, even just as the first step? See, well, the first thing is to seek professional help. Is like the most important thing from someone who is actually well versed in this arena, and I will say there is this paradigm shift happening that I love to see. We were kind of the first treatment center that and most still treat addiction as a behavioral issue as, if you know, this is bad behavior and it's not bad behavior. It's not right. Sorry, that was my Alexa. What is my what is my life right now? What about? And so you know what. So I would say seek, seek professional help. You know my mom and I, this is what we do all day long, is help help families navigate this and it's definitely not a behavioral issue and in really the most important thing you can do. And I love Alanon. I've been in...

Alan on for years. I was just going to say they are families need Alan on, Alan on, Alan on, Alanon. I think Alan's great, but I really have an issue with this, with the messaging of basically cut them off and set boundaries. If you if you cut off your connection from your child, that that is the most valuable thing that you have. And so I've kind of taken upon myself and my initiative is to cultivate such a beautiful connection with your child, with having firm boundaries in place that they want to have a relationship with you and and and they feel loved and it's an unconditional love. I think when we're an active addiction, often we feel like we are unlovable and unworthy and that just continues our desire to check out. This is the perfect example of this. As my sister test. She continued to use for several years after I got sober. I put her in countless rehabs, I set all of the boundaries, I did all of the Alan on things and she stayed sick and finally I had this epiphany moment with a dear friend of mine where I decided that I wanted to cultivate a relationship with her, I wanted to heal. I wanted to mend my relationship with her and I wanted to love her and just meet her where she's at, because, just like I said that I use drugs. Drugs saved my life for a long time I needed those drugs. And so when we can look at our children or our partners addiction as something that's helping them rather than something that is just so awful, we can start to see them more empathetically. Now that doesn't mean that we have to give them money, that doesn't mean that we have to go pick them up, that doesn't mean we have to do any of those things, but when we can come cultivate this like beautiful connection with farm boundaries, I've seen far more success and actually get that person into treatment. And then, following that, it's really important that you look at your part in their addiction and you begin to heal yourself. It's really important that you learn how to communicate with non violent communication. That's something that I teach and work with my family's. It's really important that you stop the vicious cycle of shame and once you do that, you will see that you know your loved one will probably be able to get and maintain sobriety. It's just the way that it is. My Treatment Center, the National Average is about twenty percent success, that only twenty percent of people stay sober. My Center over fifty percent of people are staying sober. It is totally normal to relapse, but we can't keep treating addiction as a as a purely behavioral issue, and not a social issue, not as spiritual issue, not an emotional issue. I agree. I couldn't agree more. I remember even taking a course for this certification program, which was the bio psychological and social social right of the effects of that and I and I and choice theory and I am, I was the small percentage of people in my my program that believed in it's a choice and it's not behavioral. But there's not a lot of people out there that agree to that because, just like a lot of thing, like things like religion, it's easier to give the responsibility someone else or something else and not to yourself to take accountability of things in your life. But I do I think that, you know, going back to the whole thing about, you know, getting into the drugs and the I think when we educate ourselves is when we can expect our children to educate themselves as well. That that's just, to me, the way it should work. We have to learn about it, what it is if we see our children going through it, before we start blaming them. I don't think it's healthy to just...

...toss your child into a rehab without due diligence, without the work that goes behind that, because not also affects the child. You know, it's I got though. They don't want me. They toss me to, you know, an institution to DOE with me. So it's a process, but I think being very active, being a part of your child's life, speaking, communicating, not being afraid of what it means to say I use drugs and I need a little help. Yeah, there's two books that I would recommend. One is beyond addiction and the second one is no bad parts. Those are two really great places to start. I love that. Thank you so much for all this advice. I mean, I feel like we just started the conversation, but thank you so much for all your knowledge and help. If anyone wants to learn more about Alexis, go to recovering from realitycom her podcast, her website. Everything is so cool. It's so informative, it's very easy going I don't feel like I just entered it like one of those rehab sides or anything. Well, I just felt like I was talking to one of my home girls. Are Reading what one of my homegirls was writing on a blog, almost feeling like it was nice. It was pleasant. So go check out. Alexis Haynes. Thank you again for being here. Smooth are you're amazing. What a great conversation. Thank you. Wow. Well, I was not expecting the episode to go like that. I was not expecting for us to connect on so many levels and spiritually more than anything else. I feel like our souls connected for a quick second because she has that energy, I swear. Just she's just amazing. Alexis Haynes, thank you so much for being here. Ursula, how profound was she? I mean, does she not make you regret hurting people with a knife while you have a bomb or Sola? I know it's plastic, but still. Well, we're gonna have a conversation and you guys go ahead and raid us, give us a star comment, do everything. Just tell us if you like it, tips if you don't like it, all right, we'll be back. Thanks for listening to genuinely gig download new episodes every week and, if you haven't already, subscribe and be sure to leave us a rating and review and, while you're at it, check out some of the other great shows available on Straw hut idea.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (45)